Coke dealers now selling cocaine in eco-friendly reusable packages

Coke dealers now selling cocaine in eco-friendly reusable packages

VicesJanuary 14, 2019 By Reilly Capps

Drug dealers in England might have fallen madly in love with Mother Earth during their last cocaine binge, since they're now offering coke in reusable plastic vials, says a report.

Slingers usually dole out the white stuff in small plastic baggies as big as fun-size Skittles, bags that end up in gutters and flushed down toilet — because hide the evidence! It has your fingerprints on it!! Gah!

But a few drug plugs are offering customers an option that's gentler on the environment: small vials that can be brought back and re-filled. That's according to a bloke in Birmingham, in Britain, who talked to Metro.co.uk.

"I was given a gram of cocaine in this plastic pod thing and my dealer said they were not serving up in plastic ziploc bags or wraps any more. He said that I could bring it back if I wanted to and he would refill it and that it would be better for the environment. I thought he was joking but he was serious. He reckoned they used so many plastic baggies and paper and a reusable container would be easier than wrapping up individual wraps."

What a relief! No more booger sugar guilt — except, you know, disappointing your sweet mother, your rabbi and your old swimming coach, who would shake their heads in sadness if they knew you weren't spending your evenings studying or volunteering at the orphanage.

Will saving a baggie or two cancel out the planetary damage done by cocaine, since coca farmers ain't the most environmentally-friendly stewards of the land?

A 2011 study from the State University of New York found that campesinos in the most coca-heavy part of Colombia were arsoning rainforest like it was their jobs. 

Maybe not. However, if an anti-drug zealot should eco-shame a person for their nose candy, note that a 2007 report from Caroline S. Conzelman, professor at the University of Colorado Boulder, found that coca has been a sustainable part of Andean agriculture for centuries, same as coffee and potatoes, and only cocaine's illegality pushes farmers toward slash-and-burn agriculture — and, anyway, minda bizness.

The British punter who got the Earth-healthy cocaine container told Metro:

"I told him I was not bothered about the environment and surely cocaine itself can’t be that be eco-friendly but he reckoned he had a load of hipster customers and they loved it."

[Cover photo illustraes the way cocaine is usually sold. From Shutterstock.]