College is where you're supposed to become an adult... or at least drink like one

College is where you're supposed to become an adult... or at least drink like one

VicesOctober 10, 2012

1. Dorm life will destroy your innocence
Pretending you’re going to graduate while avoiding vice is cute but not realistic. No matter what kind of high school you went to, dorm life is sure to open your eyes to all the depravities of adulthood. Just say yes.

2. Just because they’re professors, doesn’t mean they’re smart
A lot of people stay in academia because they can’t hack it in the real world. Don’t be surprised if you’ve got a better grip on reality than your political theory professor. Just don’t waste your time pointing that out to him.

3. A vague major can cost you—literally
Don’t spend needless time and money getting an education when you could be spending needless time and money in the real world. Pick a major and move on. There will be plenty of time later in life to make other poorly thought out decisions.

4. College is where you learn how to drink
Keg stands and jungle juice have their place at the party, but practicing good drinking habits is important, too. Go for higher end liquors to avoid brutal hangovers and try for moderation during the week. Remember: you’re trying to become a sophisticated lush, not a washed up alcoholic.

5. Not everyone is here to learn
Your classmates are not all questing after knowledge in search of the ultimate profession that will make them happy. The guy to your left is just here to meet girls and the girl to your right only attends class the minimum number of days to get her student loan check so she can go to Costa Rica this winter.