Colorado is scared dispensaries are going run out of legal weed and everybody's going to riot

Colorado is scared dispensaries are going run out of legal weed and everybody's going to riot

VicesDecember 11, 2013

They're calling January 1st, the day that recreational pot becomes available in Colorado, "Black Wednesday." But what they should really be calling it is "Day Where Everyone Overestimates Stoner's Capacity to Get Off the Couch to Buy Recreational Weed."

Colorado police are worried there won't be enough legal weed to go around come January 1st. Thing is, only 12 out of the 100+ dispensaries in the Denver metro area are licensed to sell recreational weed alongside the medical variety. So, police are thinking motivated stoners and marijuana tourists from other states might bum-rush those 12 dispensaries, camping outside and causing angry Black Friday-like riots in order to get their hands on the good stuff (hence the Black Wednesday thing). Yeah, because stoners cause so many riots you guys. So many.

Police are also concerned that security might be an issue, since legal weed can only be purchased with cash, and they heard robbers love cash. Shit could turn all Wild West real fast.

"If we have 10 stores open … we could have people camping out overnight with cash in their pocket," Denver councilman Charlie Brown (real name) told Time. "How is the industry, how is the police department going to work together?"

But police may be seriously overestimating stoner's motivation here. Have they ever seen a stoner? It's hard enough to get them to peel themselves away from their bean bags just to take the pizza bagels out of the oven, let alone riot over being angry that they won't be able spend $50 on a bowl at a dispensary. Not to mention the massive amount of black market pot there still is. You don't need to wait in a giant angry mob outside a dispensary at 8 a.m. to get weed; that would be what is known as a "buzz-kil."

So even if dispensaries do run out of pot on January 1st, we're predicting it won't matter. People have had to find weed illegally since the beginning of time anyway. Plus, if there's legal weed does run out on January 1st, well, there's always cocaine.