Dear Ibby, Can I tighten my vagina? Do Kegels really work?
You can do anything you set your mind to! You are a shining ray of light and kinetic potential! Your vagina can be reborn!
And Kegels do work … but you have to do them right. You can’t just squeeze your pussy muscles willy-nilly and expect to circumcise your boyfriend’s cock with your mega-vag next time you have sex.
Anyone can pulse-pulse giggle-giggle, but for Kegels to really work, they need something to grab onto to build up strength. I can’t believe I’m saying this (and I can’t believe I work at a place where I have to say this), but … get some vagina weights to help you out. There are these little insertable dealy-bobs with a very small dangling weight. The objective is to keep the thing inside you using your Kegel muscles for as long as you can… But even if your vagina is weak and the weight keeps falling out, don’t worry because you’re essentially fucking yourself while you work out. Optimism!
However, if the idea of becoming a vaginal Arnold Schwarzenegger is too out there, never fear, because you can Kegel around fingers and dicks too. Imagine that! What fun! I’m having fun just imagining it, so …
For best results, Kegel 5-10 times a day, contracting those muscles for 2-4 seconds at a time. As you get stronger (and tighter), do more reps and hold each one longer. You might even find yourself getting weirdly turned on, because squeezing your vagina repeatedly calls on enough blood to save the lives of 47 dying Burmese children into your pussy.