Dear Ibby, The guy I'm seeing is so into anal, but I hate it. What should I do?

Dear Ibby, The guy I'm seeing is so into anal, but I hate it. What should I do?

SexMarch 02, 2017 By Isabelle Kohn

Anal is like civil rights under Trump: Not for everybody.

And by the look of it, it’s definitely not for you. That’s okay.

But there are some things you can do to improve your experience. In fact, there are three hallmark steps to it that when executed right, should lead to very pleasurable backdoor entry. They are — drumroll please — lubrication, relaxation and communication.

Let’s start with lube. Lube is vital because it stops you from tearing your sensitive asshole tissue, something which can cause serious injury or infection. It also helps you get stuff in your butt easier, which is clutch because unlike a mouth or vagina, it has no natural lubricant. It needs help.

Next, relaxation. This one’s a bit more mental. Before you get into penetration, set the mood with whatever you feel is most relaxing to you. I recommend a hot bath with salts, a massage, a little wine, some candles … that kind of Fabio shit. Next, get into some backdoor foreplay, lightly stroking, massaging or licking it to acclimate it to being touched. You might even want to insert a small, unimposing plug during relaxation time so that your muscles get used to having something up there.

And finally, communication. This is super, super important. If the sex you’re having hurts, you need to be able to speak up, say something, and stop. You also need to communicate to your partner what happened and what you’d like to do differently. When it’s done right, it should never hurt … but you can’t do it right at all without clearly discussing what works and what doesn’t for you.

However, even after that deluge of word vomit, I still have to say that if you don’t like it, you don’t like it … and you don’t have to do it. Hopefully that has no bearing on your relationship. But if it does and your no-fly zone is a dealbreaker for him, that’s not the right dude for you.