Dear Ibby, Have you ever heard the theory that every relationship has a reacher and a settler?
Unless someone is dating themselves, I’d say yes, but to wildly varying degrees. Side note: Dating yourself is so hot. But honestly, you guys, it’s impossible for both people in a relationship to be completely equal in every way. Each person has strengths, flaws, weakness, quirks and baggage.
So it’s impossible to say one person is reaching and one person is settling, because, compared to what? It depends on who is evaluating the reaching and settling of a couple. Through one friend’s point of view, the hot chick might be stooping with her “meh”- looking boyfriend, but another person might see the boyfriend as settling for a hot chick who hates his dog, his mom, his truck, his haircut ... Of course, there are some obvious reacher-settler relationships, but those are like anything. There are always positives and negatives in every relationship, whether it’s friend to friend, teacher to student, fireman to kitten-stuck-in-a-tree, and so on.
So, with regards to this theory, I’d say, sure, it’s a real thing. But does it matter? Nope.
And if you feel like you’re a categorial reacher or settler in your relationship, remember good relationships aren’t good because the people in them are exactly the same. They’re good because the people in them balance each other out and support each other when and where they need it. If I had a mic, I’d drop it.