Dear Ibby, How can I make myself less oblivious to hints that a girl wants me? I never know when to make the first move, but I’m bad at picking up the signs when a girl does.
First, you have to think of yourself as capable of being hit on or being wanted. If you’re all insecure and don’t think you deserve to be chased, then your mind will shut itself off to girls throwing themselves at you. That’s not to say you have to get all cocky on me now; just know that some day, at some point, a girl will hit on you. Open yourself up to the possibility so when that happens you can go, “It’s happening,” rather than “She probably just took her shirt off because her entire family are nudists and that’s the only way she knows.” Second, you have to learn a little about girls. Good thing I’m just, you know, bored, sitting around my house looking for a person to summarize all of womankind for. Perfect. Well, anonymous oblivious guy, here are some signs you can look for when you’re wondering whether you’re being hit on. Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8, Prolonged eye contact! Laughs at everything you say even though you’re not that funny! Keeps touching you! Asks you questions about yourself! Seems genuinely interested in your mundane existence! Leans over and says something to you, and you only! Asks you if you want to do things/go places with her! Has inside jokes with you! Starts making out with you! Makes fun of you playfully! Girls are sneaky though. They won’t do any of these things alone and automatically be “hitting on you.” For example, just because a girl holds your eye contact for more than two seconds doesn’t mean she wants to fuck you. She’s more hitting on you when she’s doing a lot of these things at once. Like eye-fucking you, laughing at your jokes, standing close to you, and making out with you. Wanna know a great way to tell if a girl is hitting on you? Hit on her back. If she recoils in disgust, you were reading her wrong. If she keeps up the pace of the conversation and reciprocates your enthusiasm for talking to her, then she’s probably into you. As for when to make the first move? That’s entirely situation-dependent. If you just met, get to know her first before dry humping your way into her heart. If you already know her, then wait until she’s exhibiting signs of being into you, wait until you’re alone (she’ll probably want to take you someplace if she likes you, or ask if she can come over to your place), then … fuck it, just kiss her. All gentle like. What do you have to lose? Mmm yeah. Lastly, try not to wait forthe chick to make the first move if you already know her. Girls hate that. Girls like being chased.We’ll do it if we’ve never met you before and making the first move is the only way we’ll get to know you, but if we already know you and haven’t done it, it’s your turn. See ya.