Dear Ibby, How do you make sex with a condom not totally suck?

Dear Ibby, How do you make sex with a condom not totally suck?

SexSeptember 11, 2015 By Isabelle Kohn

Oh my, so easily. Condoms get a bad “wrap” (high five, Ibby) for “totally deadening sensation and ruining everything always,” but that’s just because people don’t know how to fuck with them.

Sure, they annihilate any possibility of pleasure for dudes, and they feel like fucking a water wiggler for chicks, but the problem lies in people’s perception that genital sensation is the only thing they should feel during sex.

Not so. Genitals, my sweet readers, are just one of the many erogenous zones located aboard your pulsating bod. And what do we do when we can’t feel shit in one part of our bodies? We feel it in another … kind of like when you go blind and suddenly have ultrasonic hearing.

So, when condoms start numbing you, focus on other parts of the anatomy: lips, neck, back, rectum, nipples, inner thighs. Stroke and tease those parts gently and lightly, alternating between them. Stick your fingers in his/her mouth. Lick areas that don’t make sense to lick. Soon, you’ll forget all about your anesthetized reproductive sectors because the rest of your body is being touched in ways it’s never been before.

Plus, paying attention to more than one part of your partner’s body, or to a new part of yours, makes sex a more holistic, novel experience. It might not be as gratifying as pounding each other bareback, but it’ll feel good in its own way. And that’s better than disappointing yourself by zeroing in on how much condoms kill the feeling … and way better than having to deal with some crying thing making you a macaroni drawing that you find impossible to critique three years from now.


BONER-US ROUND: Three steps to seamless condom use

Asking for a condom and putting one on can be awkward as hell, but not if you approach it like this:

1.Once you’re at the point where you can’t possible foreplay and longer and you need to fuck or you’ll implode, immediately think of all the STDs you could get. Big, pussing boils bursting out of your shit. Slowly progressing autoimmune diseases. Mysterious itches. Ugh. It’ll be enough to kill the mood and wake your ass up for long enough to go through the motions of getting a condom.

2. Always assume you’re getting laid tonight. Carry a condom on you at all times so you don’t get caught empty-handed. It’s presumptuous, but it’s better to pretend people actually want to fuck you than to hear the words, “... You ARE the father!”

3.There can sometimes be a bit of awkwardness when it comes to deciding who puts the condom on, but … stop that. It’s pretty much universally accepted that the guy should don the rubber himself. After all, he has what the condom was made for, and he knows better than anyone whether it’s on there right. So just nix that moment of tension and hand it to Mr. Johnson.