Dear Ibby, I’m a 23-year-old girl. I’m young, but I’m only attracted to guys younger than me. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me?

Dear Ibby, I’m a 23-year-old girl. I’m young, but I’m only attracted to guys younger than me. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me?

SexAugust 08, 2014

Oh, was that you hanging out by Boulder High the other day, waving Bagel Bites at the football team? Usually, cougars wait until their kids have gone to college to start preying on fresh meat, but there’s no reason you can’t get a head start at your tender age. As long as you abide by Colorado’s statutory rape laws and stick to men (boys?) who are older than 17, you’re good to go. Bless your little face.

As to whether that’s normal, hell no it isn’t normal. Most women are attracted to men who are the same age or older than them. But who cares what’s normal? Normal is boring, and you’re going to be into what you’re going to be into regardless of whether it’s a common fantasy or not. I can think of a lot of 19-year-old boys who would be beyond excited to bang a geriatric such as yourself, and by a lot I mean all of them.

There’s nothing “wrong” with you per se, but the fact that you’re only attracted to people less mature than you might say something about your own maturity and past. I don’t know you, but I do know Michael Jackson better than I know you, and I know he hung out around young, possibly naked Macualay Culkin types because childhood trauma made him emotionally stunted. This made it hard for him to relate to people in the real world. Fuck, he lived in a place called Neverland Ranch and filled it withtheme park rides because he couldn’t handle people his age and was trying to impress Macaualy Culkin.

Although that sounds awesome, it’s a little maladaptive in terms of maturity; that kind of arrested development is only healthy when it's a TV show starring David Cross. You may want to ask yourself if you’re into young dudes for a similar reason. If you’re just plain into them because they’re energetic and still have acne, then great! Actually you’re doing the rest of the world a favor. You’re using your baby cougar sexual prowess to train them for the real world. That way, when they hook up with someone who isn’t as old as dust like you, they’ll have the magic touch. You’re like a charity cougar. Pass Go and collect $100, because I spend the other $100 on Macaulay Culkin merchandise.