Dear Ibby, I’m a girl, and sometimes I give it up on the first date. Should I be making guys wait to have sex with me if I’m looking for a relationship?

Dear Ibby, I’m a girl, and sometimes I give it up on the first date. Should I be making guys wait to have sex with me if I’m looking for a relationship?

SexNovember 05, 2013

Oh man, this question. There is an insane double standard about how girls and guys should act on the first date. Girls are supposed to make guys wait for it because then they will supposedly “respect you more” or “see you as a girlfriend type instead of an easy fuck.” But what’s a girl supposed to do if she goes out with a guy, and is horny and just wants to fuck because she likes him and it’s fun? Personally, I see nothing wrong with that. I think that if you want to get laid, then for the love of God, do it. Most men don’t understand that many women have insanely high sex drives, and they like the thrill and passion of sex with someone they just met as much as men do (some don’t obviously). There’s some sort of social script in place in our society that says that’s wrong, or that doing that makes you ‘easy.’ And most men in our culture are taught that’s true, so they think they’re supposed to see you as “slutty” after first-date sex. They can’t help it, that’s just what society tells them to do. That being said, there are some men who genuinely are turned off by that, regardless of society or whatever. So if you’re looking for a relationship, be conscious of the fact that certain men will think that way of you no matter what. However, not all men are like that. If you get lucky, you’ll get a guy who had a great time in bed with you and thinks you’re fun and fearless. That type of guy might be attracted to your easy-going spirit or don't-give-a-shit attitude. They might like that you don’t conform to arbitrary societal rules and that you’re spontaneous. So if you go home with a guy after Date 1 and don’t hear from ever again- forget him. That clearly tells you that you and him have very different ideologies, and you might not be that great of a match anyway. Don’t take it personally. Do what you want, and someone will come along who appreciates that. Don’t feel like you have to make anyone wait if you don’t want to, because you’re not really being yourself if you end up playing games when you’re not naturally inclined to. I know couples that had one night stands, where the girl clearly gave it up really fast, and they’re perfectly happy. So spread those legs and the right penis will fall between them one of these days.