Dear Ibby, I’m going to my friend’s bachelorette party. What do I get her?
A bag of dicks. Kidding, kidding, Well, the conventional gift is usually some sort of penis-shaped paraphernalia, or a vibrating plastic thing. But, everyone brings that kind of stuff, so at the end of the night, the lucky bachelorette has like, 14 dildos, 6 vibrators, and too many fuzzy handcuffs to count. What is she going to do with all that shit? Use them all at once? Don’t think so. Get her something different. She’ll thank you. Get her a gift certificate. Super, super boring, but if you get her one for somewhere she loves, then she’ll be super excited. Or just give her cash. Seriously. No one does it, but everyone wants it. Or, buy the booze, hung male strippers, or party drugs for the night. Just think about what you would want at your bachelorette party more than anything, and get that shit.