Dear Ibby, I had a weird sex dream about my buddy's girlfriend. I never thought I had feelings for her but now I'm confused. Does this mean I like her?
Listen, one time I had a sex dream about Jeff Goldblum. Something about him laying on his stomach, and his boner was pointing into the ground. It was a pretty alright boner. I was like, “How am I supposed to fuck that?” and he was like, “Uuunngghhh.” It was really arousing. Then he made some motion like he was paddling toward a wave on a surfboard. Then I woke up. I never got to find out how I was supposed to fuck that.
Does this mean I have feelings for Jeff Goldblum? No, you asshole!
Many people think dreams are expressions of inner tensions and unrequited desires, and they can be — but that’s not always the case. If you’ve ever had a dream that you ate a pumpkin seed and it turned your organs into slick, groovin’ characters from Grease (and I know you have), you understand what I mean. '
Instead of worrying if your harbor secret feelings for this lucky lady, examine your friend’s girlfriend in the blinding sober light of day and find out for real. Does she make your penis feel funny? Do you feel that weird sinking tenderness you get when you realize you have feelings for someone? That, more than your dreams, should indicate that you’re getting into some nefarious territory with your friend and his chick.
That being said, dreams mean different things to different people. They can suggest to us things that we haven’t consciously realized yet … like that your friend’s girl has really on-point child-bearing hips. They can also foreshadow events that’ll happen in the future, or help you work through issues you’ve had in the past. There’s just no way of knowing which it is for you, primarily because you’re just a disembodied voice coming at me through a computer. An HP at that.
In the end, don’t read too much into it. You decide if you like her, not your weird-ass sweaty fever dreams.