Dear Ibby, I think my dipwad boyfriend peed inside me. It felt runny and smelled rancid. WTF?

Dear Ibby, I think my dipwad boyfriend peed inside me. It felt runny and smelled rancid. WTF?

SexDecember 07, 2015 By Isabelle Kohn

Before we get started, I just wanted to show you guys the full version of this question that someone submitted. It contains some extraordinarily British language.

Dear Ibby,
I think my dipwad boyfriend peed inside me. The other night we were scrogging and after he finished with his gruntin’, I stood up and it felt warm but not gooey. And it smelled rancid. WTF?

Oh, wow. I didn’t know the book “A Clockwork Orange” could materialize in human form and write me … but I think the crucial question I’d have for you is this: did he ejaculate?

It is extra, super hard for men to pee if they’re about to cum. The “pipes,” as it were, do not cross. So, the chances of him accidentally pissing inside your body during sex are very, very low.

But … let’s pretend for a fun minute that he did actually pee inside a body cavity of yours. Pee fetishes are a very real, relatively common thing, and it’s possible that he fetished you without your knowledge or consent. That’s what we in the industry call “fuuuucked”

With any fetish, it’s imperative — if not required — that you talk it over with your partner to make sure they’re cool with it … especially if that fetish involves a bodily fluid or a behavior like peeing that your average target market male or female wouldn’t normally encounter or know what to do with. If he did that without telling you, that’s mighty sketchy and grounds for dumping in my book.

If you liked it and don’t mind that he went for it without communicating with you first because that’s your relationship, then whatever. Fine.

It's also possible that he doesn't have a piss fetish per se — he just wanted to know what it would be like to pee on/ in you. Same rules apply. You don't pee in someone's birth canal without discussing it first. The first rule of birth canals is you talk about birth canals.

Good news for you is that getting pee in your pussy poses almost no risk to your health. Urine is actually one of the most sterile substances in the human body, and unless your partner has a bladder or dick infection, you’re pretty safe. The biggest danger is that it’s possible that the change in acidity that your vagina would undergo from having pee pee in it could cause you to develop a yeast infection, so monitor yourself over the subsequent days for signs of that.

But … since you said it smelled rancid, that could be an indication that he has an infection, prostate problem or testicular issue, whether it was pee or semen. Neither are supposed to smell like dying. If it was just semen it could be that it was much more watery than usual because of his diet, hormones or masturbatory habits. He might have just not gotten off in a while and simply super-soaked you with an ultra-huge load that you mistook for something else because it was more fluid than goopy.

Whatever it is, whether it’s pee, infected semen or just super-dilute dick juice, I hope you guys can have a super cool conversation about him not filling your vagina with hell-fluid. That’d be great.

In the meantime, here are some tips for conducting yourself properly during water sports, because if you're gonna get peed in/on, you might as well do it right.

Baby’s first golden shower

1. If this is your first experience with water sports, make sure the urine is dilute. Whoever’s doing the pissing should be properly hydrated to lessen the acidity and smell. However, people who are into pee are like … really into pee, so a little odor and a nice medium yellow color is ideal.

2. For newbs, the shower is the best place to take a golden shower. That way you can get used to the warmth, salinity and smell of the pee pee in a setting where it’s easily washed off if you’re not into it.

3. Keep it fun and loose. Pissing on someone does not mean humiliating or dominating them — unless they’re into that too, in which case go for it.

4. Don’t be ashamed! If Ricky Martin can publicly decree his passion for golden showers, then so can you.