Dear Ibby, I want to ease my boyfriend into kink. What’s the easiest kink to start out with?

Dear Ibby, I want to ease my boyfriend into kink. What’s the easiest kink to start out with?

SexAugust 20, 2015 By Isabelle Kohn

Put a raccoon in his butt. It’s easy and there’s minimal scarring for the raccoon.

Kidding, I don't know where you can find a raccoon (yes I do), but we both know that question totally depends on what he’s into and what he's comfortable with. The world of kink is incredibly vast and varied, and people usually have to experiment with different facets of it to figure out what they really like. But since your boyfriend is a fresh-faced newb, two really non-invasive, easily achieved basic kink moves you can try are dirty talk and blindfolding.

Dirty talk isn’t really that "kinky" in its own right, but you can use it to test the waters to see how he reacts to the different things you say. That way, you know whether or not something you want to do is something he’s down with.

You can also use this tactic to find out how he feels about control dynamics, which is a big part of many kinks. Experiment with playing the submissive and dominant roles and see how he reacts. If you're doing submissive, tell him to hold you down and force you to come. If you're doing dominant, order him around and tell him he doesn't get to do a thing unless you tell him too. One of these things might give him a boner. Or both.

Or, he might not react at all. Some people are not born bright-eyed and vanilla-flavored, and have no kinky inclinations at all. When you say dirty things to them, they hear it, but they don't listen to it. But until you start playing around with what you say to him, you won't really know for sure.

Then there’s blindfolding. Blindfolding is awesome because it lends itself to many degrees of kink. More experienced kinksters (I hate that word) use it to explore control dynamics and experiment with different role play scenarios like staged kidnappings or interrogations, but it can be used on a much more basic level to simply focus his attention on the feeling of sex. Cutting off one sense always heightens the others.

If he’s down for that shit, then aayyyy, it’s time for the dog collar and ironic safe word. “Honduran freedom” is a personal fave.