Dear Ibby, I went down on a girl with a huge clit and now I watch gay porn because it’s all I can think about. What’s wrong with me?

Dear Ibby, I went down on a girl with a huge clit and now I watch gay porn because it’s all I can think about. What’s wrong with me?

SexAugust 29, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

Well, I read the entire medical textbook I found in the dumpster behind my house and I really cannot put a name to your symptoms. For now, I’m going to recommend you take 20 mg of Shut The Fuck Up and stay indoors for at least forty years because the only thing that’s wrong with you is that you ask nonsense questions that make no sense.

First of all, if you’re insinuating that your run-in with a dick clit somehow makes you gay, don’t. It doesn’t … unless you want it to. Remember: your sexuality is your decision. If you want to identify as straight but still watch gay porn because it reminds you of your large-clitted lady visitor, that’s your perogative.

Say you are a little homo and this girl’s clit just brought it out of you. So what? After all, we all fall on different levels of the Kinsey sexuality spectrum. Something about you was clearly attracted to blood-filled genital protrusions, and male penises are the posterchild of that. My guess? You’re probably feeling the gay porn right now because some part of of you feels homosexuality is taboo (it’s not at all, but it may be for you), and this girl’s large clit is the closest you’ve gotten to a brush with that taboo. Don’t over-think what that means — gay porn is hot whether you’re gay or not.

Also, dicks and clits are essentially the same things. In the embryo, they both grow out of the exact same structure (the genital fold), and they only differentiate later on in development. They have similar structure and function and blah blah blah. So if you’re attracted to one, it’s pretty natural to be attracted to the other. NBD.

Do you also know that there is plenty of large clit porn on the internet? It’s a fetish. If watching gay porn makes you feel weird for some reason, watch big clit porn instead.

Even better, watch porn that teaches you how to ask less stupid questions! Bye.