Dear Ibby, Its been almost four years since the last time I got laid. I consider myself to be an attractive and outgoing individual, but I feel like my generosity ultimately fails me in the end. What should I do to fix this?

Dear Ibby, Its been almost four years since the last time I got laid. I consider myself to be an attractive and outgoing individual, but I feel like my generosity ultimately fails me in the end. What should I do to fix this?

SexJanuary 15, 2015

Well, the good news is you’re already ahead of the game: you have a idea of where your problems are coming from, and it’s not that DVD rack full of anal-spelunking videos. Generosity as a concept is great, and people who know how to give are both rare and evolved specimens of the human race. But when you’re over-generous, people may feel like they can take advantage of you — something that doesn’t exactly scream, “sweaty-hot sex in a dumpster, now.”

When it comes to pathological over-generosity, it can be helpful to identify areas in which you use it. Usually, over-generosity manifests itself as unnecessary offers to help when help hasn’t been asked for and presents that have no occasion. Maybe you offer to let your crush use your car for the weekend, or you make them a life-sized gum sculpture of themselves from pieces of Trident Layers you masticated yourself. Either way, the gesture overwhelms the demand, and before you know it, you seem creepy.

And although over-generous people are sugary sweet and well-intentioned, their aptitude for giving can be off-putting. Think about it from an evolutionary standpoint: humans evolved having to guard and protect what was theirs in order to survive, so when someone willingly offers up their belongings or services for no apparent fair exchange, it looks like something’s wrong. It can either come off as weakness (because someone willing to give up their things probably needs help in some way) or as a trap they’re being lured into.

They key here is exchange; when someone does something nice for you, match their kindness with your own. Try to be more selective about who you help and what you chose to give to them; this kind of restraint shows mastery and forethought, two words that get me wet just thinking about them. You don’t have to be stingy or rude when you’re moderating your generosity, but just don’t offer things to people that they don’t really need. No one needs a 24-hour compliment-giving lap dog. No; jjust a lap dance.