Dear Ibby, Lately, my relationship has gotten kind of boring. I really love my boyfriend, but we don’t have that spark anymore. Should I move on, or see if anything changes?
No duh you don’t have that spark anymore. That’s what happens in like, 97% of relationships. Know why? I’ll tell your ass why. Because, when you’ve been with someone for a long time, your brain produces different chemicals than it did when you met. When you met, your brain was like “Fuck this person, and combine their genetic code with yours so you can make a superior human being. Now, dumb dumb. It makes all these hormones that facilitate attraction and sexual arousal, to ensure that you do this. And, that’s the spark you felt at first. It’s not logical, because no one consciously falls in love for the purpose of recreation, but biochemically, your brain picks up on little things about the person you’re into that it thinks would really contribute to the perfect baby; the whole point is to most effectively perpetuate the human race. When you’ve been together for a while, your brain changes course. It starts producing chemicals that facilitate comfort and contentment, which doesn’t exactly feel like a spark to you. More like a deep love and appreciation. But, by this phase you’ve already gotten to know each other. You have less left to find out about each other, and you get into certain routines that eventually seem boring. This can seem like a sign that things are over, but don’t take it that way. Relationships evolve; they never stay the same. If you really love your boyfriend, and he really loves you, you need to learn to evolve with this new stage in your relationship and accept what it entails. But if that sounds shitty to either of you, and you’re consistently bummed that it’s not like it used to be, think about this: no matter what relationship you’re in, no matter who you’re with, the spark and the passion will plateau and morph into something deeper. The awful part about this is that it entails a lot of communication. You have to talk about what you’re both looking for in your relationship and see if it still aligns. You also have to find new things to do with each other to keep things interesting. When you have fun with each other and do stuff that’s outside of your normal routine, the parts of each other that you fell in love with come out again, which is awesome. So if you’re still invested in your relationship, have that difficult conversation about where your relationship is, where you’d like it to be, and how you want it to get there. If one if you isn’t willing to do that, then it sucks, but it might be time to move on. Wow, that was serious. _______________(insert mood-lightening joke here).