Dear Ibby, My girlfriend always wants to make out with me after she sucks me off, but I’m not really into going down on myself. How do I break it to her?
That’s so sweet of you to care about keeping her emotions intact as she lurches for your face, her mouth dripping with a toxic mixture of spit and semen! What a fine, modern gentleman. If you want to avoid hurting her little feeling thingys, stop her as she’s leaning in for the kiss and tell her you really want to kiss her, but you don’t want to get your mouth pregnant with your own come. Or, if she’s not the type to think that’s funny (and who is, am I right?) just tell her: “I want to kiss you so bad, but is there any way you could brush your teeth first?” If she knows you really want to kiss her, it’ll make her feel better about going down on you, then coming up and getting shut down. If she’s still insulted at that point, it’s not your fault; you were just be honest about your likes and dislikes, not saying anything negative about her, and that’s high-fiveable behavior.