Dear Ibby: Sometimes while I'm dancing I get a huge erection. Can girls feel that, and if so, what does that do for my chances of hooking up with them?
Are you a real person? Because if so, I would like to mine you for Dear Ibby questions over and over and over. This is the single greatest question ever. Answering it in 3...2..1..OK.
So. Yes. Girls can feel your huge erection. One moment there's just soft flesh grinding into their butts, and the next minute there's a rock-hard, oblong thing stemming fom the center of the man's pelvis that's ramming into their tailbones to the beat of "Pour Some Sugar On Me."
Note for all guys out there: Your boners are feel-able. Whethr they're poking into our backs during cuddling or ominously tapping our midsection...during cuddling, or flopping up and down and all around during dancing, make no mistake: We know they're there.
What does that do for your chances of hooking up with us? Nothing except for show us that you're a virile young adult who is the proud owner of a phallic device capable of filling up with blood. If a girl likes you and she can eel you getting hard while dancing or whatever the fuck you're doing, then hey, it might turn her on. She might think you're really into her.
If she's someone you don't know that well, or someone with whom it's wildly inapporpriate to have a boner around (your cousin...who are you, George Michael Bluth?), then it's not going to be a welcome boner. It's just going to be a hard thing in her back. The key to any successful boner/boning encounter is that it be welcome. So, if you're listening to "Girls Just Want To Have Fun," and you're getting that boner-y sensation, just watch swhose back you're ramming it into. Thanks!