Dear Ibby, What goes through a girl's head when I pull out and put my load on her belly?
“Thank fucking god it didn’t get in my eye” Or, maybe “Really? That was like 12 seconds.” Possibly even, “I wonder what time New Girl is on…” Maybe she’s trying not to fart. Maybe she’s glad you pulled out, because she forgot to take her birth control for two nights in a row and is possibly ovulating right now and really doesn’t want to have to go to Walgreen’s tomorrow and buy Plan B from some pubescent teen boy who asks her whether or not that stuff works. I don’t know man, you’re asking me to read the collective minds of woman-kind and all I can tell you about that is that if there’s one thing that’s never predictable, it’s what girls think about what you’re doing. Whereas one lucky lady might think it’s hot to see you cum all over her, another might be offended to the very core of her being that you splooged on her belly button. One thing’s for sure though, unless you’re trying to start a family, most girls are probably going to be glad that a) you pulled out, so they’ll have less of a chance of getting pregnant…(although it’s still possible; withdrawl is only effective 87% of the time), or b) that she didn’t have to swallow it. It’s pretty easy to just wipe that shit off your stomach and move on with your life, so I think the predominant feeling is “relief” when you do such a thing. Goodbye.