Dear Ibby, Why do guys never change?

Dear Ibby, Why do guys never change?

SexOctober 05, 2015 By Isabelle Kohn

... Guys? No, ambiguous internet honey, it’s not guys that never change. It’s you.

If you keep having the same problem with the same guy, or gaggle of guys, then you’re the one who needs to change your shit up. You can’t realistically expect other people to change and conform to your standards of what they should be. Other people live only through the lens of their own experiences. Each person is shaped by years of interpersonal interactions and millions of genetic factors that make them who they are, and no matter how hot, funny or important you are, you can’t ever stand in the way of that.

Plus, do you really want someone to change who they are for you? Is that arduous and unfair process not a million times more inconvenient for both of you than finding someone whose true self you actually appreciate? The most beautiful, mutually beneficial relationships occur when both people can be unabashedly themselves; when one person tries to mold the other to fit their desires, it leads to resentment and unease.

You’re entirely responsible for creating the relationships you want, so if there are grievous gaps in what you want and what you’re getting romantically, turn your attention inward. Oftentimes, it’s easier to place the blame onto others when you feel like something’s wrong in your life, but that’s stupid. Figuring out the deeper reasons why you make the guy choices that you do requires both introspection and the maturity to take responsibility for your actions.

Once you can do that, you’ll notice people around you don’t need to change themselves for you because you’ve changed what you need from and want from people, therefore attracting people that can stay themselves.

Isn’t that so meta? Gonna go smoke and blunt and dip my third eye in henna now ... just kidding, gonna finish this gangbang porno.