Did you know whiskey dick ruins over half of wedding nights?

Did you know whiskey dick ruins over half of wedding nights?

SexOctober 09, 2013

You should definitely, most certainly have sex before marriage...because according to a new study, you're not getting laid on your wedding night anyway.

New research shows that over half (52%) of marriages aren't um, "consummated," on the wedding night. And over half of those times when no one's getting any, it's because the groom is too drunk...probably because he realized he made a grave mistake. Mistake-moderated whiskey dick strikes again!

But don't worry guys, it's not all your penis's fault. The bride being too goddamn tired from being so goddamn beautiful and the center of attention was the second most common reason why wedding night sex didn't go down.

Making this story even more sickening, nearly 1 in 5 couples waited at least three days to have sex after their wedding night. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Just stick it in for a second...for posterity. Please.

A spokesperson for Voucher Pro Codes, the company that conducted the research, says the sexless nights between bride and groom are the result of an increase in the number of couples both living together before marriage, and of course, sex before marriage. The stress of planning a wedding, as well as having pesky, cock-blocking children to care for were also reasons why said spokesperson thought wedding night sex is becoming less of a priority.

But you know what this means? You don't have to wait until your wedding night to experience the icy cold disappointment of whiskey dick or whiskey vagina...you can get a head start on it right now. You, me, and a bottle of jack, baby. Let's do this.