DMX is scheduled to fight George Zimmerman on live TV. Yes, this is real.

DMX is scheduled to fight George Zimmerman on live TV. Yes, this is real.

VicesFebruary 05, 2014

We had to slap ourselves several times, hard, to make sure we weren't dreaming after we heard this, but...

DMX is going to fight George Zimmerman, accused killer of unarmed black teen Trayvon Martin, on live TV.

Yeah, you read that right. Mom! Get the popcorn!

Ol' Georgie boy recently signed a contract with legendary celebrity boxing match promoter Damon Feldman, who is responsible for bringing you such bits of boxing gold as Tanya Harding vs. a waitress. But our guess is that if he had known that he'd be in the ring with DMX, a person who's personality and physical strength has been likened to a rabid pitbull on meth, he might not have been so keen on signing that contract.

Here's a picture of DMX covered in blood to illustrate that point for you...

And, here is a picture of George Zimmerman in case you were wondering whether there's any chance that he'll escape, un-vivisected (nope).

Not surprisingly, the list of people who want to fight George Zimmerman is about 15,000 people deep. And among the throngs of bloodthirsty candidates is the rapper Game, who told reporters, "I would not be boxing for me... I'd be boxing for the legacy of Trayvon Martin and his family." A noble thing to say indeed, but his statement wasn't quite as convincing as DMX's, who told Damon Feldman that he wants to fight George Zimmerman on behalf of "every black person who has been done wrong in the system...I am going to beat the living fuck out of him. I am breaking every rule in boxing to make sure I fuck him up right." He also threatened to piss on Zimmerman's face.

...Okay then! If we were George Zimmerman, we'd kiss every bone in our body goodbye.

You can watch the fight on March 1st. Details are to be announced next Wednesday.