The Exorcism of Harry Potter

The Exorcism of Harry Potter

CultureSeptember 10, 2013

Because exorcism wasn’t a ridiculous enough idea to start with, three Arizona women are now traveling to London to vanquish evil from the possessed minds of Harry Potter fans says this article from the UK based Daily Mail.

The three women, along with their leader reverend Bob, are disapparating straight onto Platform 9¾ in London to promote exorcism, believing that the spells in the Harry Potter novels are derived from real spells created by Satan himself. Apparently the UK is a hotbed for such witchcraft and wizardry.

Using their “crosses of deliverance” the group hopes to save the souls of children everywhere from not only the demonic Harry Potter but also “sexually transmitted demons” brought forth through promiscuity.

Well, it must be admitted it’s about time someone called out J.K. Rowling for her satanic like mind control of everyone in the world. Harry Potter’s cool and everything but the way it takes over lives is a tad suspicious. And there could be something to those spells and curses like “expecto patronum,” “avada kedavra,”

“crucio,” “petrificus totalus,” “alohomora,” “relashio,” “protego,”and “expelliarmus” (Well that was a fun exercise in “how many Harry Potter spells can you name off hand”… [Shit, that Rowling demon really has done a number on us]).

Regardless of all this tomfoolery, we here at The Rooster are more than happy to put up with their Crabbe and Goyle-like intelligence as long as we get to share our sexually transmitted demons with the three frisky, heretic lasses before we’re exorcized. Did we mention they all have black belts in karate?