Fake pee and Toys R Us raves: This is your news on drugs

Fake pee and Toys R Us raves: This is your news on drugs

CultureApril 13, 2018 By Reilly Capps

Thirty years ago, an advertisement showed you a egg in a frying pan and said "This is your brain on drugs." Things change — the guy who cracked that egg thinks drugs should be legal. But the NEWS about drugs will still fry your brain. And it's as important as any other kind of news. So here's some of the most interesting headlines from last week.

1. Geoffrey the giraffe may have gotten high after London ravers took over an empty and abandoned Toys R Us for some bitching parties, possibly peaking near Beanie Babies and trampolines. Then the bobbies cuffed 'em and confiscated their drugs and/or sound systems. Toys R Us is bankrupt. Raves are roughly as popular as ever.

2. Drugs, while dangerous, can be part of connecting with people, as a study of queer users in Australia suggested that the social context in which drugs were used allowed them "wellbeing and social support."

3. The home of Breaking Bad turns good, as Albuquerque, New Mexico, announced it is ending its asset forfeiture program. These programs allow cops to seize your stuff if they think it was bought with drug money, was used to commit drug crimes, or if they just think your stuff is just super sweet.

4. Legal magic mushrooms marched toward Denver's November ballot, as the group submitted their language to the city, and spoke with officials who, the shroom guys said, "received our ordinance proposal with professionalism and grace (and, may I say, a hint of enthusiasm and excitement)."

5. Scientists gave LSD to a blind dude, and he said he felt "immersed in the most beautiful waterfall ever," feeling the music cascade all over him like water. 

6. Old fogies are loving pot now, as the guy who used to be the most powerful congressman in Washington, Republican John Boehner, and who in 2011 said he was "unalterably opposed" to legalization, this week said "my thinking on cannabis has evolved," and announced he was going to work for a pot company. Maybe it was the money.

7. Old companies are loving pot now, as Hewlett-Packard, famous maker of laptops, printers, and anti-marijuana presidential candidate Carly Fiorina, is now selling cash registers to pot shops.

8. Weirdly, new tech companies still aren't loving pot, as Google and Facebook still won't take weed ads.

9. Mexico's tourism minister said Mexico should talk about legalizing pot, given the fact that America's already doing it and Mexico has other problems, such as violence in tourist towns and cartels named after dick pills , to name just two. Legalizing pot could help solve these problems, since they're both fueled by the War on Drugs.

10. In more marijuana news — there's bricks and bricks of weed news these days — the FDA is asking for comments about what to do about pot's status as semi-illegal; fake pot, probably laced with rat poison, caused severe bleeding in scores of people and death in three; states with legal weed have less binge drinking; Utah is scared because there's a pot shop on its border now; and cannabis is the fastest-growing job category.

11. Kangaroos struggle to trip, as Australia is falling behind on the psychedelic renaissance, with little to no research on the possible benefits of LSD, mushrooms or ayahuasca, because researchers are "scared to enter the space."

12. Pissing into the wind, so to speak, states are banning fake urine that can be used to pass drug tests. It's already illegal in 18 states. Meaning more users will have to go knock on their neighbor's door and ask, "Neighbor, can I borrow a cup … of whiz?"

[Cover photo: partiers graffiti'd the sign of an abandoned Toys R Us where they were holding raves. Photo from the Hounslow Police.]