Five ways to become famous
Create an original ridiculous YouTube video
Odd skill sets such as the ability to paint portraits with your penis or rants such as Chris Crocker’s “Leave Brittney Alone!” tirade are great ways to get people laughing at you. If you don’t mind embarrassing yourself in front of the whole world, all you need to do to become famous is make a viral video. In fact, if it’s humiliating enough, you may find yourself invited to appear on Tosh.0 where your disgrace will be broadcast on cable television as well as the world wide web. However, if you’re a talented artist like Bo Burnham or Justin Bieber, YouTube can take you from anonymity to celebrity status overnight with the world laughing with you, instead of at you.
Have a strong work ethic, good looks, extreme luck, an outgoing personality and abundant talent
Everybody and their mother want to live like the boys on Entourage. However, unfortunately, the likelihood of that coming true is less than your chances of marrying a millionaire, according to Maxim’s chief editor. If you’re ambitious and talented, you still need to work on your craft daily and keep your eyes out for any opportunities available allowing you to get your foot in the door. Even geniuses like John Stewart spent years fetching coffee and writing jokes for a poorly rated shows before getting their break. Johnny Depp will tell you that, “Once somebody hands you the ball, keep running, and whatever you do: don’t drop it.”
Take the easier route: exploit your children
If you’re burned out trying to become the good kind of famous or you have an undiagnosed mental disorder, you may be tempted to reach national recognition by means of exploiting your kids. Take it from us, infamy is overrated. When you lie about how your kid is floating around in a gigantic hot air balloon shaped like a UFO 7,000 feet above the ground, all you do is cause problems, such as costing the tax payers $2 million on a pointless rescue attempt. However, if you’re determined to be infamous, we recommend you pull some sort of relatively harmless stunt like the aforementioned rather than do something like Casey Anthony or O.J. Simpson.
Make a sex tape with a celebrity
There is no better way to become famous than by sleeping with a celebrity on camera and making sure it finds its way to the media afterwards. It made Paris Hilton’s onscreen lover, Rick Salomon, notoriously famous overnight then subsequently rich as he actually sued the Hiltons for tarnishing his image. If you’re already kind of famous, a sex tape will both boast your popularity and make sure you’re not forgotten anytime soon. Can anybody tell us what else Kim Kardashian is actually famous for (besides recently tarnishing the sanctity of marriage)? We didn’t think so.
Join a reality show and act like a lunatic
Now we’ve always wanted to do this but have unfortunately had our own realities preventing us from doing so, like work and school. If you can get around these inconveniences, this method may be the fastest way to reach the top of the renowned celebrity list. Look at The Jersey Shore. Need we say more? Only in our ludicrous, reality-television obsessed culture can a dim-witted girl like Snooki be paid $32,000 to speak at a college, advising students to “Study hard, party harder!” Snooki want smoosh smoosh! We know you can do better than this, so next time you audition for the Real World, tell the casting director that you’re a racist narcissist who plans on being drunk throughout the entire production process. If they buy that, you’re in!