Using emojis frequently means you can't stop thinking about sex

Using emojis frequently means you can't stop thinking about sex

SexDecember 30, 2015 By Dallon Adams

Emojis are the modern hieroglyphs of our doomed, digital culture. Deciding to grab a couple of slices of pizza or a few pints with someone you want to ejaculate inside of can now be agreed upon without an actual exchange of human words. As it turns out, however, the little buggers are also wonderful conduits for our insatiable sexual appetites. New research suggests people who think about sex frequently use emojis more often in text messages than others, according to a report by Popular Science.

A survey, conducted by Match.com, determined that of 5,000 participating singles, about 40 percent of people who think about sex multiple times a day use more than one emoji in every single text they send. Emoji use was far less amongst people who claim they only thought about sex a mere once a day or [aghast] once a month.

The sexual connotations mutually understood with certain emojis like, say, the eggplant, the banana — dare we suggest the chocolate doughnut — have made it easier for people to flirt with a potential hook-up. This allows humans to sexually insinuate with varying degrees of overtness (i.e. sending a winky face, sushi and a television as a hint for a little dinner and a movie or a male just sending the spritzing water emoji and the eggplant to unwittingly persuade his girlfriend to take it to the face for old times sake).

“[Emoji users] want to give their texts more personality,” Helen Fisher, leading researcher of the Match.com study, tells Time Magazine. “Emoji users don’t just have more sex, they go on more dates and they are two times more likely to get married.”

We’ll just pretend like we didn’t hear that last part, but overall, we’ll take it.

Research also shows that 54 percent of singles who use emojis have more sex than the 31 percent of those who just use words alone. Medical Daily went as far as to call emojis “the new aphrodisiac and the key to greater success in finding relationships.”

Aphrodisiac, huh? The un-husked corn on the cob or the innuendo-laden little “man in the boat” emoji may actually be the new oysters on the half-shell at Olive Garden.