Furniture fornicator pleads guilty to having sex with couch. Seems legitimate.
More cushion for the pushin'. Taking "love seat" a little too seriously. We call that move digging for change. Ok, we're done. Sometimes, when the going gets tough, you simply have to lower your standards. For Gerard Streator, his standards hit rock bottom when he decided that a seductive couch on the side of the street would be a perfect place to stick his penis.
Streator was arrested in September 2012, when an off-duty police officer jogging in Waukesha, Wisc. noticed Streator on the side of the road making the couch his bitch.
The officer wrote that Streator was "thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions."
We've sat on plenty of pieces of furniture and none of them seem to have a fabric ripe for placing our genitals in. Maybe microfiber but that's not the point.
Nonetheless, the city looks down upon people who have sex with furniture on the side of the road and Streator was sentenced to five months in jail for furniture fornication.
If he brings in a three piece set, is that technically a menage a trois?