Gangs of deranged chihuahuas terrorizing Arizona town, wrecking havoc and ruining lives
The terror is palpable in Maryvale, the Phoenix suburb where packs of tiny, crazed dogs have been menacing residents and wrecking havoc over the last few weeks.
In what could certainly be compared to the bloody imperialist rampage of Genghis Khan, the mini-minions have been forming vicious gangs, shitting everywhere you can think of, and running down innocent children as they head off to school, causing them to miss class.
Is this a blatant attempt to stall the education of America's youth as to create a population of uneducated homo sapiens who can be used as eventual slaves to their Chihuahua lords? Maybe.
Their number has has swelled beyond control, officials and residents said.
"Yeah a lot of them they are out here chasing kids or going yard to yard ... anywhere in groups of eight to 12 just running around," resident Ray Rios told Fox News.
Sometimes, as seen in the photo below, large dogs will even join the lawless packs, perhaps in order to fulfill the role as the "muscle" of the gang.
The situation is dire.
The Chihuahuas do not appear to be domesticated, perhaps suggesting they are members of a super-canine race, bred with the express purpose to wreck havoc. Samples of the specimen have revealed the super-race is made of approximately 50% tremble, and 50% hate, perhaps contributing to their shocking ability to evade control.
It's unclear where their orders to destroy are coming from, but we have reason to believe it's either the ghost of Ren, the hot-headed, asthmatic Chihuahua from Ren and Stimpy, or this one:
It's also not known why these packs of adorable, deranged mini-beasts have banded together to ruin everything and everyone. Perhaps it's a retaliation against humanity over years of being dressed up as tacos, stuffed down hot chick's shirts, being lost by Paris Hilton, and mistaken for rats.
But until we uncover the reason for the chihuahua-pocalypse, we're hoping that this neutral diplomat might be able to strike some sort of peace deal with their Army General: