Woman discovers male balls are a perfect makeup applicator
Too often, men's testicles are an afterthought in both sex, and in life. The perpetual chubby sidekick to the penis, they just sort of hang there, idly, while the flashier peen gets all the attention. Maybe once and a while they get a jiggle, or a dog accidentally bites them and creates some momentary excitement, but largely, they're ignored.
Those days are finally coming to a merciful end though, because a new use for human testes has just been discovered: makeup applicator.
And a damn good one at that.
In a bizarre turn of events in the search for the latest cosmetic trend, a Florida woman has discovered she can use her boyfriend's nutsack as a beauty blender to perfectly apply foundation. Not only were they the perfect warmth and texture for seamless blending, but they also came attached to a free phallic object to reward herself with for a job well done!
She posted a video of this to Twitter on Saturday, where it subsequently and unsurprisingly blew up like a volcano on the ejaculating dick of god.
“I never in a million years imagined it would get this much attention,” testicular makeup artist Johnna Hines told The Huffington Post on Monday. “It’s definitely been a crazy experience.”
When asked how los huevos work compared to traditional, sponge-y blenders, Hines was happy to report that it "worked surprisingly well."
“I obviously only did it on my forehead but I didn’t even need to fix it after with a beauty blender or anything so it’s safe to say it worked successfully," she said.
The owner of the now-infamous cajones is her boyfriend Damon Richards, 20, who discovered that whenever he placed his balls on Hines' head as a joke, she was struck will ingenious flashes of brilliance, like that you can use jiggly wigglies to make yourself better looking. Word has it that they're now conducting experiments to determine whether penis heads make great lipstick applicators.
Preliminary internal results reveal they don't not.
In the meantime while we test the limits of male genitalia in makeup application, you can entertain yourself by bearing witness to the ball beauty blender technique below. It's NSFW if you consider man bubblegum NSFW, but otherwise, it's pretty tame and educational in a "what the fuck did I just watch?" sort of way.
Please enjoy, and happy blending!