Girl goes to college at 12-years-old and aims for her Ph.D. by 16. What have you done today?

Girl goes to college at 12-years-old and aims for her Ph.D. by 16. What have you done today?

VicesJuly 17, 2013

Damn kids these days, can't they just stick to drugs and alcohol. Instead, they are proving that if we invested more time and focus on elementary school, we could have entered college at an earlier age, majored in human robotic interaction and made our parents proud. Now, it looks like we'll just have to stick to drugs and alcohol.

Tesca Fitzgerald is not your typical elementary school kid. Before you even realized the benefits of a tube sock, Tesca was mastering computers, reading college-level books and preparing herself for her first year at Portland State University. What were you doing during that time? Testing out your new bottle of Proactiv deep cleansing facial wash? Recently graduated at the age of 16, Tesca is heading to Georgia Tech to pursue a Ph.D. in artificial intelligence. 

What's her secret? Homeschool. The same education method that produces the kids everyone in public school hates, is responsible for producing this pony-tailed outlier. Tesca's mom, Ami, pulled her from public school at a young age because of bullying. Since then, Tesca's blown through her educational materials, prompting her mom to say "Fuck it" to middle school and high school and send Tesca directly to Portland State University. Whether or not Tesca's a genius or Portland State is in need of more students is up for debate.   

"I guarantee if you home school your children for eight hours a day every day, they'll be in college at age 12, to." Ami Fitzgerald told The Oregonian.

Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. Some children need to be left behind for the advancement of society.

Ms. Fitzgerald further hammers home that her daughter is a genius saying that a lesson that most students would need a year to learn, her daughter could learn in one summer. And Tesca's been this way since she was a baby. The Dailymail explains: 

One scene from a plane, as recalled by Ami Fitzgerald: When Tesca was not yet 2, she and her mother took a flight, each with her own laptop, unusual for a toddler in the 1990s.

While Ami worked, Tesca played a simple interactive game, appearing to deftly use the computer as she sucked on her pacifier. Other passengers gaped.

At landing time, mother told daughter to shut down her computer, and she did. But Ami struggled to get hers off, even after she yanked out the battery pack. A flustered flight attendant insisted she shut it down.

From the back of the plane, a chorus of voices shouted: 'Ask the baby.' Fitzgerald passed the laptop to Tesca, who did, indeed, turn it off.

'The whole back of the plane erupted,' Ami Fitzgerald says.

Alright Ami, we're done with your stories.

Like all True Hollywood Stories, when the light fades away, so does the star. Our prediction: Tesca turns to a life of Four-lokos and Taco Bell before selling her robots on the black market for drug money until she gets knocked up in the dorms and in order to pay for classes, recedes to the confines of her laboratory where she begins mass producing MDMA.

Or then again, she changes the world. It's anyone's guess.