Guys eat twice as much trying to impress women and don't even know it
Men do all kinds of incredibly dumb things to impress women. Cue the arm-wrestling and the subsequent Fireball chug-off. And now, according to a new study, guys also ferociously overeat by nearly double to exemplify their competency as sexual mates to the opposite sex.
A Cornell research team spent two weeks observing 105 adults dine at an all-you-can-eat Italian buffet. The results showed that men who dined with at least one woman ate nearly twice as much pizza as men who ate with other men. These male diners also attempted to disprove any speculations on their well-known vegetable complex by consuming 86 percent more salad than the control groups of male-only tables.
We can assume this was a half-hearted attempt to prove their seed were not just heating-seeking, flagellum-propelled slices of pizza.
Female eating habits, on the other hand, were pretty consistent regardless of which sex they were eating alongside. However, in their “post-lunch surveys” women who dined with men were more likely to report that they’d not only overeaten and that they also felt rushed.
Because nothing beats a leisurely lunch buffet at Beau Jo’s like dining across from a marinara-stained Kobayashi.
The study alludes to the pervasiveness males in competitive eating events such as the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog contest as a confirmation of their findings, concluding that “Men see overconsumption as an indicator of their masculine competence.” Ha!
Well, that doesn’t actually explain why these ma-cheese-mo males didn’t choose to flex their carb-loaded dicks while dining with other males … UNLESS IT DOES.
Regardless, the results are in and apparently in the innate carnal confines of the male brain, proving our prowess as a worthy mate is best illustrated by slaying a personal Hot-n-Ready and maybe a salad just for show. Women love it when we’re fat.