Hangovers. Rooster takes on the world's most pressing medical issue
Drink a lot of water. You’re not going to feel better until you rehydrate. Hungover paramedics have been known to start their workdays by slapping an incognito IV bag to their side and letting the drip do the work. If you’ve got a friend at the local clinic, great; if not, start downing fluid.
Be proactive—don't let it dictate your day. Get the fuck out of bed. Lying around isn’t helping anything—other than seriously diminishing your feelings of self worth. Go get some coffee, chat with the cute barista and don’t swat the bluebird that’s trying to land on your shoulder.
Listen to your body. If you yearn for a hot dog and a pint of ice cream, don’t deny yourself. The satisfaction of eating something you love can dramatically improve the outlook of a hungover day. If the thought of food makes you run for the porcelain, mull some brothier options: miso soup or even some plain chicken broth can inspire your appetite without revisiting the remains of last night’s gyro.
Deny, deny, deny. Question plausibility. When your neighbor looks at you like you’re a zombie and asks “Are you hungover?” don’t give her the satisfaction. Switch into “everything’s chipper” mode and act like you don’t know what she’s talking about. How could you be hungover? That’s preposterous.
Clear your schedule. Wake up early, get your excuse-machine primed and try and get yourself out of whatever major responsibilities you have lined up for the day. If you can’t weasel your way out of your commitments, meet them head on.
Don’t call the next day. If the night before is a little fuzzy, don’t delve into that dark dungeon of your memory to figure it out. Just assume you behaved properly and were the sophisticated life of the party. If you go calling around and apologizing for vague behavior you may or may not have engaged in, you’ll just compound your misery with unwarranted guilt.
Tap into last night's drunkenness, not this morning's misery. Sure, you feel like shit. But isn’t there a glimmer of last night’s glory still coursing through your booze-soaked veins? If there’s no silver lining, fake it. Improve your mood with some hair of the dog—just don’t let it become hairs of the dog, or you’ll wind up right back where you started.
Don't wallow, don't whine. Even it seems otherwise, you’re not the first person to get a hangover and yours isn’t any worse than anyone else’s. Nobody wants to hear about it. Admit you made a mistake, flog yourself appropriately and then get over it. Don’t make your problems the world’s.