Has Ben Carson’s candidacy for president been a scam this whole time?

Has Ben Carson’s candidacy for president been a scam this whole time?

PoliticsFebruary 24, 2016 By Tyler Mistretta

The fact that Ben Carson is running for president has been strange from the beginning. Even still it's a mystery why a former hack surgeon with no political experience thinks he's qualified to run the country.

Though the Republican Party is well accustomed to having batshit candidates, Carson has been standing dazed and confused atop the steaming pile this entire election cycle. As more information is released, and Carson inexplicably continues his campaign, it seems increasingly possible that Ben Carson has been heading an elaborate scam based off of a few questionable realities.

Since his candidacy announcement on May 4, 2015, Carson has raised stupid amounts of money. In the last 3 months of 2015 alone he was able to raise $23 million dollars, thus putting him atop all republican candidates in terms of fundraising. The majority of this $23 million came from small donations Americans gave, whom apparently share his belief that the world is 6,000 years old and the War On Drugs should be increased.

Nevertheless, Carson has been spending these campaign dollars at a pace similar to the rate at which we imagine Hilary Clinton eats the souls of helpless little orphans. That is to say, really fucking quickly. At this point, Carson only has about $4 million in available funds left.

So what has Carson been doing with all this cash? Well, he has been “re-investing” it back into his campaign. Specifically, Carson has been spending far more than other candidates on his own fundraising. He has taken the whole “you gotta spend money to make money” idea those assholes that run pyramid schemes like Cutco® claim to the next level.  

The problem with that is — and the reason his campaign is now being ousted as an enormous scam — is that the companies he uses for fundraising are owned and operated by people that help run and fund his campaign. Meaning, Ben Carson’s fundraising money is going directly into the pockets of his staff and assistants. In that way, Carson’s staff is literally collecting money for themselves.

While the suspiciously aloof Carson may not understand exactly what his staff was doing this entire time, he has certainly noticed something's up. Yesterday, Carson told CNN, “We had people who didn’t really seem to understand finances, or maybe they did — maybe they were doing it on purpose.”

So is he the victim of a political staff that purposefully took advantage of a non-politician and his ignorance of the fundraising system? Is his bid to run for president a setup to financially benefit his staff? It certainly seems like it. Poor Ben.

Even with his polling numbers falling drastically, Carson has pledged to continue his fight for the presidency. Which is great, because we've always wanted a president that thinks evolution is an idea promoted by Satan, homosexuality is equivalent to fucking horses and also wants the DUI limit reduced to .02% BAC. Suck it Ben Carson.