Head Games: The corkscrew blowjob is weird but by god, it works

Head Games: The corkscrew blowjob is weird but by god, it works

SexJanuary 14, 2016 By Isabelle Kohn

Congratulations, head enthusiast; you're about to experience Head Games, a irregularly scheduled yet titillating column where we discuss oral sex with people from all walks of life. Whether we're covering how to connect your mouth to someone's genitals in the most pleasing way possible, or how different cultures and species blow each other, it'll be covered here, in this fellatio-friendly corner of the internet. Welcome aboard.

The last few months have been a dick desert. 

I mean, there's been a lot of dick, but not a lot of new techniques I could try out on one. By the end of last year, I thought I'd reached the edge of the blowjob universe.

I tried Auntie Angel's grapefruit technique. I tried Auntie Angel's less citrus-based techniques. I tried it all. Shit was looking grim.

But then ... hark; a miracle. Somebody emailed me a link to a piece on Cosmo called "A Corkscrew Blowjob Is a Thing, and I Tried It." Normally, I wouldn't touch Cosmo with a 10-foot-pole, but  the clickbait baited me and I realized I did not know what a corkscrew blowjob was. WHICH WAS AMAZING.

The moment I heard that there was a new fellatio move I hadn't tried, I essentially just shit with joy.

Technically, the corkscrew blowjob isn't "new" per se (you can find early records of it from 2002 are floating around on the Google/ Ask Jeeves). But it's new to me, so I decided to try it out.

However, the directions read like a Rube Goldberg Mensa riddle, so I did some more research and found another variation. Here's the basic premise of both:

Variation #1: Antiquated Cosmo move

Try the oral sex technique that I call The Screw. As you're moving up his shaft with your mouth, turn your head a bit from side to side, letting your tongue follow a corkscrew pattern. When you get to the frenulum — that part of the shaft just beneath the head — be sure to lick it for a few seconds before moving all the way up to the top. Then repeat, moving down his shaft. What will drive him wild about this is that you aren't just going up and down — you're also going sideways. It's 3-D!

- Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On (Goofy Foot Press, 1999)

Variation #2: Some dude's fantasy

The corkscrew technique is a tried and proven favorite for many men, so your man will probably not be an exception to that rule. This one can require a little concentration, but once it is perfected it can be a great way to really get his libido going. Start at the top and turn your head in small circles while moving your mouth up and down his shaft. Take him in as far as you feel comfortable - we will talk more about deep throating in just a bit - and then continue this same motion on the way back up. For some variation, point your tongue and gently slide it in the direction you're going, and then apply more pressure in the opposite direction. So, if you start with light pressure on the way down then give it a little more pressure on the way up. Just treat his penis like it's your favorite bottle of champagne and you will be amazed by the passion you uncork.

- Guy who writes for www.icame.com

Basically: imagine his dick is a bottle of champagne and you're trying to pop it with your mouth. I fucking hate that image ... but I found it useful for reference.

"It's 3D!"

Foreplay

Generally, when I try something new with a penis, I tell the person attached to it first. For example, during the infamous grapefruit blowjob experiment, I kind of had to be like, "Look, I'm putting sour pink fruit on you." Because you can't just put a grapefruit on someone's dick as a surprise. The moment you whip it out, they go "Ooh, a delicious low-calorie snack!" and you have to explain that no, it's for their penis.

The nice thing about the corkscrew blowjob however, is that you don't need anything other than an oral cavity to do it. And you don't even have to use said oral cavity for anything other than the blowjob, i.e. talking. It's such a benign move that it really doesn't necessitate a whole lot of discussion beforehand. 

So, after some making out and blah blah blah, we progressed straight to the blowjob.

The blowjob

I started blowjob-ing with the standard move. Up and down, with some flourishes, to build things up. Poor dude didn't know what was coming.

Then, I slowly activated the Corkscrew Sequence™.

As I was bobbing up and down, I swirled my mouth and tongue in a circular pattern around his dick. At the tip, I did smaller circles, then wider ones on the way back down. I kept a consistent rhythm, going medium slow, because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that erratic rhythm is stupid.

"MmmmmMMMMMM?" he mmm'ed. The move had caught him off guard. He quickly realized the difference between the corkscrew motion and the standard technique, something I could tell because he got all breathy and squirmy. I like that in a move.

A few minutes of that went by, and then I decided to try the side-to-side variation (visualize uncorking champagne again). Starting at the base of his penis, I increased suction a little and moved my head side-to-side all the way to the top them back down again.

Eventually, I decided it was time to make him come because I had shit to do like eat pho and post false ads on Craigslist for illogical pets that don't exist. Orcas and stuff.

So, because it's kind of hard to do the corkscrew at the speed that makes my boyfriend come, I reverted back to the tried-and-true up-and-down motion of days yore.

When I was done de-semenizing my face, I asked him what he thought.

"That was insane," he said.

Apparently, the novelty of the feeling really surprised and aroused him because he wasn't used to seeing or experiencing that kind of motion on his cock. He did agree that it might be hard to come from simply corkscrewing though, which makes me think it's better suited for the beginning and middle of a blowjob when you're gradually increasing your speed and pressure. If you're trying to give rough, deep or fast head, you can't really pull it off and wrap your lips and tongue around his dick right. This move works best for gentler, slower buildups.

But who knows, maybe your boyfriend/ Tinder-slut gets off on a soft, gentle touch. If he does, you might be able to make him come with just this technique alone. I don't know you.

Conclusion

Turns out, the corkscrew technique was a piece of cake. Super easy to pull off, and with great results.

"Two thumbs up."

- Roger Ebert

But mostly, it's great because you don't have to buy any fruit.