Here's where you can eat the most fattening meal in America

Here's where you can eat the most fattening meal in America

CultureJuly 31, 2014

You usually don't go to the Cheesecake Factory when you're trying to lose weight ... but if you're trying to gain massive quantities of it for a movie role as a boulder or something, there's no better place to go. That's because it just won the Center for Science in the Public Interests' Xtreme Eating Awards for most calorically-dense, six-pack destroying restaurant in our fine country.

The standout dish that won it that particular (dis)honor was their Bruleed French Toast, which clocks in at a diabetes-inducing 2,780 calories. This bad boy has almost five days' worth of saturated fat (93 grams), 2,230 milligrams of sodium (more than a day's worth), and 24 teaspoons of (mostly) added sugar. To put that into context, the American Heart Association recommends a daily sugar intake of between six and nine tablespoons. 

They also had two other dishes that place in the top nine most fattening dishes in the country; their Reese's Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake (1,500 calories) and Farfalle with Chicken and Roasted Garlic (2,410 calories). Also, have you seen their portions? You could end world hunger with like three of their entrees.

The other restaurants that topped the list of extremely fattening foods were Red Robin with their Monster Burger and Bottomless Fries and Joe's Crab Shack, which serves a plate of every known sea creature, fried, with balls of cream cheese and ranch dressing for a whopping 3,280 calories. Fuck ... off. But although these meals have more calories, the Cheesecake Factory's French toast still has more other nebulous parts of nutrition looking to turn your waistline into a shoreline.

You're not even safe from their salads, which are likewise trying to kill you with an average of 473 calories per lettuce orgy.

But, if you're like us, this conversation has probably made you hungry ... hungry enough for the Cheesecake Fat House, sorry, Factory. So, here are a few (sexual) things you can do to burn off that Grim Reaper of a meal at your favorite cheesecake restaurant / fat emporium.

  • Have enthusiastic sex for 9.2 hours straight
  • Run to the store for condoms 4.6 hours
  • Make out for 60 days straight
  • Do the elliptical for 4 hours, then fuck for one
  • Have 9.5 hours of foreplay
  • Whip your hair back and forth to Willow Smith's song for 3.3 hours
  • Sext constantly for 69.5 hours
  • Sit around at work at pretend like you're doing something when you're really just stalking your ex's Facebook for 19.4 hours
  • Get lost at sea for 7 hours
  • Not go to the Cheesecake Factory