Hey you, we just thought you'd like to know that Colorado men have the 11th biggest penises in the country
Today is a day of celebration. A day of fancy-free. A day of patting ourselves, and each other on the back. That's because Colorado men have bigger penises than 78% of the country. Call your mom and tell her!
Condom seller Condomania conducted a nationwide survey of penis size based on the completely unfounded, non-scientific measure of which states bought which size condoms. And guess who came in at #11? That's right. You did. Maybe that's why we're always the "skinniest" or "have a less-than-average-grade-school-education-system." We're too busy fucking to get fat or go to school!
The survey placed North Dakota at #1, and Mississippi dead last at #51, which wasn't all that surprising because Mississippi is last at everything...well, they're #1 at being #51 (Washington DC was included as a state, that's why there's 51...geography, dumbasses).
So while we rejoice with our giant penises flopping around as freely as the bald eagle soars over the Rockies, let's take a moment to laugh at some of the other less fortunate states that aren't Mississippi.
So what are you supposed to do with this information aside from feel incredibly smug, yet jealous of North Dakota? We're thinking craft the world's best pick up line...something along the lines of "Hi, I have the 11th biggest penis, drop your drawers."