High holidays: Weed is cool for Easter and kosher for Passover
Are religious folks starting to relax a little?
Is it just our Facebook feed, or is the god crowd actually chilling out?
This week come the biggest holidays in the Judeo-Christian year, passover and Easter, and the good folks who grow, package and bless one of god's shinier creations want you to know it pleaseth the Lord for you to smoke, eat and gift dank weed.
Yes, followers of the flying invisible beings called Yahweh and Jesus are planning, more than ever, to fill their Easter baskets and seder plates with pot.
Lo, on the Seventh day god rested, because the weed he created on the Sixth day helped him realize how pretty Nature is and how he'd been working too hard to grok it.
There are no stats on Easter and weed, but here in Jesusland, weed candies and gummy bears have been distributed by red-eyed Easter Bunnies for years. Stoners show off their weed-filled Easter baskets in newspapers and on Pinterest, declaring "Happy Weedster!" on Imgur and Instagram.
No one knows what strain Jesus would smoke ... if any. The Bible's Part II — The New Testament (tagline: Shorter, Sweeter and Uncut) — doesn't mention weed. But the main character, the Son of Man, wasn't a hardass — he wore a toga and sandals, hung out with his twelve best boys all day and told everyone to love everyone as much as he loved them.
Jesus's thirteenth disciple, the Easter bunny, is this year bringing the good boys and girls "Cannabis jelly beans," created by the founder of the famous Jelly Belly jelly beans. These CBD-only jelly beans — like, they won't get you high — from Jelly Belly's David Klein come in 38 flavors, including a lot of the favorites from Jelly Belly, like roasted marshmallow and peanut butter. The jelly beans cost 75 cents apiece (because the CBD market is a bubble now) and are marketed as the ideal Easter gift, especially with Easter falling so close to 4/20.
Further, the holy week weed hug is going on big time among the Chosen People. In Los Angeles, stores are carrying kosher gummies, kosher brownies, and kosher chocolates. Kosher means god approved.
Lots of Jewish weed-heads argue that the Bible's Part I — The Old Testament (out now in paperback) — is all about that weed. The story goes that god told Moses to bless his worship spots with a plant called "kaneh bosm." For centuries kaneh bosm was translated as calamus. But doesn't "kaneh bosm" sound like "cannabis"? Especially if you're a little high?
Everyone seems to agree that all weed, if smoked, is always kosher. But food has more rules. And so Shomer shabbos jews are marketing Kosher marijuana edibles for this pesach. Meaning, the ingredients are grown and processed in ways that conform to the Old Testament's 613 laws.
And out of Israel, one of the weed-friendliest countries in the world, come adorable videos of old rabbis blessing weed for passover.
That's just cuter than homemade shoes, ain't it?
So, sure, there's still a lot of religious strife and bloodshed out there staining god's creation. But this holy week, over an Easter ham and a Passover shank of lamb, let's give thanks that many religions are chilling out a little bit about sex, drugs and rock and roll. And if we light a joint along with our Passover candles, maybe, just maybe, peace on Earth will come a few thousand years sooner.