March horoscopes are here and you're so money you don't even know it
Your March followers will bring April swallowers.
Mar. 21-Apr. 20
Spicing things up in the bedroom starts in the kitchen. Food is one of the most seductive elements in any relationship. Introduce your partner to the sensuality of food and watch how quickly your sex life catches fire. Just be careful with the Sriracha fingers.
Apr. 21-May 21
You are the consummate romantic and you’re going to want to show off this month! Pull out all the stops when seducing your partner and you’ll enjoy more than a stunning dulce de leche by night’s end. You’re indulgent in all the best ways, for the win!
May 22-June 21
A quick coffee date can turn into a torrid love affair if you’re not paying attention. If that’s what you were hoping for, great! But you may prefer to stay footloose and fancy-free for now. Just make sure you have a well-planned escape route in case things get cray cray.
June 22-July 22
There’s a possibility that your ex is about to pop up in your life again. Good or bad? Either way, tread carefully, especially if you’ve been playing the field. Don’t douse a current flame for what might feel comfortable in the heat of the moment. Remember, you can’t spell “next” without “ex”!
July 23-Aug. 21
Take a moment and catch your breath from the marathon romper-stompers you’ve been enjoying these past few weeks. You need a night to yourself. Show self care by caressing that sweet Netflix queue you’ve been dying to snuggle up with!
Aug. 22-Sept. 23
You’re seeking romance, but every date ends up boring the fuck out of you. Take control by playing hard to get. There’s no rush in settling in with only one. Play the field and make them work for your affections. You know your worth. About a buck-fiddy.
Sept. 24-Oct. 23
What are those squishy things in your brain … the feels? Ew! You’re led by your emotions this month, which might raise a few eyebrows. Turn the tables on anyone who thinks they have you figured out by showering them with attention and a strong come-on. You’re still in charge.
Oct. 24-Nov. 22
You wouldn’t be a Scorpio unless you were putting out mixed signals, and this is a perfect time to baffle your love interests with bullshit — only to do a full 180 tomorrow by seducing them with your irresistible charms. They won’t know whether they’re coming or going. Just how you like it.
Nov. 23-Dec. 22
Holding partners up to your own incredibly high standards, you’re going to be disappointed every time. Be humble. You gain far more suitors with honey than you do vinegar. You’re super sexy this month, so don’t waste it on pretending to be all that and a bag of salty chips.
Dec. 23-Jan. 20
You really need to get out of the rut you’re in and try something new. Even you have sexual fantasies that no one will ever know about unless you share them. This is a month where fantasies come true, but you have to take advantage of the timing if you hope to satisfy those lusty urges.
Jan. 21-Feb. 19
You may go by the creed “Love ‘em and leave ‘em” but everyone knows that catfishing people is bad form and even worse karma. Figure out where you want your sex life to go and then steer it there like a boss. It could be exactly what you need.
Feb. 20-Mar. 20
You are simply glowing with happiness this month as all the love you’re being showered with is working its magic. Enjoy the attention. Maybe even try out that new fetish you’ve been thinking about: extreme couponing knee-deep in The Splitter.