How to fix a jacked-up haircut like your life depends on it
We've all been there before: it's hours away from the weekend's nightly "lit-off" and you're looking to get a clean fade before the crew turns up. You get home, shower and run your hands through your hair only to find there's a stinky heap of trash in place of where your hair is supposed to be. That $7.99 coupon doesn't seem like such a good deal now, does it?
You've now only got a few options if staying in is the least favorable on your agenda.
BE THAT GUY
Disagreeing with a barber might make you look like a prick, but if you never open your mouth, how will they know to do better next time? “If a client isn't happy with the haircut it’s usually because the consultation got messed up and the vision of the style isn't seen by both people, or the client doesn't know what they want from the start,” says Graham Nation, a freelance stylist that splits his time between Los Angeles and Denver.
DO IT YOURSELF
A decent-enough haircutting kit runs about 20 bones at a big box store, and can be the difference between a night hopped up on self-esteem or wanting to hang out in the dark corner with other ugly people. However, you get what you pay for. “A good fade costs between $25-$40,” says Nation. “You need to do your research and find a barber that can get you right. It's 2017, dudes need to start caring more about what we look like. Stop trying to cut corners on your hair.”
JUST OWN IT
“I think a fucked up cut has a time a place,” says Nation. “Mullets, really choppy fringe, layers … but pick one.” Chances are, people are too busy thinking about their own naked body starring in a film about themselves too much to consider what you look like anyway. A few extra missing notches of follicle isn’t cause for concern. The more you confidently rock a botched style, the more everyone else is apt to be impressed. Set the trends, don’t follow them.
A final option is to ditch your loved ones, cancel the next few weekends, move to Tunisia — do anything you can to avoid contact with people who knew you before a downward spiral appeared on your head. “Shaving it is last resort!” explains Nation. “Almost everything can be salvaged. But sometimes you just need to say screw it and start from scratch.”
Fashion Faux Pass
Only the naked are innocent.
If your perfectly proportioned body is draped in clothing right now, you’re part of one of the biggest industrial hurricanes the world has ever seen. Fashion, a $3 trillion global industry that produces more than 150 billion new articles of clothing a year, accounts for over 10 percent of the world’s carbon emissions — making it one of the most polluting industries on the planet (second only to oil). To combat this, major brands haven’t done much outside of gimmicky recycle programs or slyly donating your money somewhere so they get the tax write-off. Luckily, you can do more by being fully aware of the brands you buy from while using things for more than one season. Be the change.