How to wake your lazy ass up with ease
Make your room sunnier. Those blackout shades you threw up during a mid-morning hangover fury aren’t helping your cause. It turns out your body wakes naturally with sunlight—so that eye mask is making things difficult. Facing your bed east to catch the sunrise is your best option for direct light. But if you’re like many of us who overpay for a shit apartment, you probably don’t have panoramic windows with views of the sunrise. In this case, turn on the lights, TV or radio to provoke your senses and wake your body and mind.
Have a daily routine. It feels good to sleep in on the weekends, right? And taking a morning to yourself is only a fair reward for surviving your long week, right? Wrong. Studies show that a consistent sleep regimen—waking at the same time every morning, even if you drank half the bar the night before—results in your body’s ability to better cope with waking early. Shitty? Yes. Luckily in college, your routine rising time is noon.
You snooze, you lose. Everyone is guilty of hitting the snooze button or setting multiple alarms. Unfortunately, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. On the first alarm, your deep sleep is disrupted. The stress and anxiety of going back to sleep knowing that in a half hour that horrible sound will erupt again is more of a tax on your day than the benefit of the extra sleep. Set one alarm clock, put it on the other side of the room and get the fuck out of bed when it goes off.
Be positive, asshole. Sure, your boss makes you work late hours, your social life is shriveled, your girlfriend has one foot out the door and your car is making a weird noise—but buck up. Generating positive thoughts and storylines for your day helps motivate you to meet it. Before you go to sleep, focus on one great thing you’re going to do the next day. You’ll sleep better and wake easier knowing this is the day you break your boss’s legs.
Drink more water. Water helps kick start your metabolism, which fuels your body and leads to high alertness and increased energy levels. Unlike caffeine, which throws off your body’s natural energy cycles, water keeps your metabolism consistent while providing healthy benefits. See there isn’t a joke, just great advice.
Be grateful for not dying. Buddha says that each day is a gift and that death can come during any night. But let’s face it, if you’re having to motivate yourself to get out of bed by giving thanks you didn’t die the prior night, maybe staying in bed isn’t such a bad idea. And maybe see a shrink. Each day is a gift—just like that last-call shot of Jagermeister—but sometimes it’s just a day.
SIDEBAR: TIPS FOR SLEEPING BETTER
Maintain your mattress. It’s important to keep your mattress in good condition. All those lonesome nights curled up in the middle have taken a toll on your feather nest. Mattress experts say to flip your mattress every few weeks and buy a new one every five to seven years.
Change your sleep position. Although you love missionary style sleeping, it’s time to venture on the wild side and see how your body adapts. Be conscious of your sleeping position and adjust it during the night to discover what your body truly needs. Simple adjustments to the position of your neck, back and sides can facilitate blood flow and a level of comfort you never knew about.
Generate white noise. The sweet sounds of the ocean or the rainforest serenading you to sleep at night contributes to falling asleep faster and prevents external noises like gunshots and crying babies from disrupting your beauty sleep.
Take melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland in your brain. When it’s dark, the pineal gland converts serotonin into melatonin, helping to relax and calm the body. Artificial light such as that from computers and TVs affects this process by converting melatonin back into serotonin. Take some melatonin pills to help induce a better night’s sleep.
Have more sex. Orgasms release hormones that relax the body and induce a deep state of relaxation. Whether you take on a solo mission or have a partner, some sexy time can help you overcome restless nights.