I just sent a very special, cum-soaked sock to Texas Governor Greg Abbott for a good cause
Those cum-soaked socks you have. There are so many.
What are you going to do with them?
Wash them? Fat chance. Why not put them to good use by sending them to Texas Governor Greg Abbott in protest of the state's recently passed fetal funeral laws?
I just did that. I sopped up some semen that fell on my chest with a Stance sock, put it in a Ziploc bag, and shipped it off.
Felt pretty good too. It was for a good cause ... a good cause evocatively titled 'Cum Rags for Congress.'
'Cum Rags for Congress' is a fun new way to protest the insane abortion laws Texas recently passed that require all aborted fetuses — miscarriages or otherwise — to receive a proper cremation or burial, instead of being disposed of as medical waste.
The conservative lawmakers who passed the law say it was created to protect public health, but major medical organizations like the Texas Association of Obstetricians and Gynecologists disagree. "This regulation has no basis in public health, and it's just a pretext for putting an additional burden on women who choose abortion or who suffer miscarriage," said David Brown, a senior staff attorney for the Center for Reproductive Rights.
After all, requiring people to arrange funerals for fetal tissue puts them in an awkward, frustrating place. First, it's unclear how either abortion recipients and providers will pay for these mandated funerals. Funerals are expensive — cremation costs around $2,000, and a burial plot can run from $1,000-$4,500 depending on area. It's also unknown how people are supposed to go about properly burying or cremating fetal tissue (Where would they do it? Who would do it? Who would have to be there?), and trying to solve that mental equation is nothing short of a disturbing thought — many aborted embryos are at an early stage of development when they're neither particularly solidified nor longer than a few inches.
On top of those ambiguities in the Texas law, abortion providers who can't afford these funeral costs or who won't comply with the new rule may be forced to close, making obtaining safe, affordable abortions even harder than it already is.
The law is beyond a low blow to women (especially of the low-income variety) who already have to shoulder the difficult financial and emotional burden, but ... Satanic Temple spokesperson Jex Blackmore has organized "Cum Rags for Congress" as an equally low-blow counter attack:
Hence the sock I sent.
According to Blackmore, the campaign is intended to mirror the absurdity of Texas' fetal funeral laws.
I think it does. It was mildly absurd sending my boyfriend's potential children to a governor.
"The concept of the state mandating a non-medical ritual as part of the abortion procedure is offensive and crude, essentially demanding that all citizens adopt the moral, philosophical opinion that fetal tissue is comparable to a living human," she told Broadly. "Fetal tissue has the 'potential' to become a human, but is not a human yet, does not have consciousness, and cannot exist without the mother host."
She also rightly points out that sperm and ova also have the potential to become human life, yet "we do not mourn every ejaculation."
Hence the sock she sent.
Blackmore sent her own splooge-encrusted foot sweater to Governor Abbott along with a handwritten note that says, "These r babies. Plz bury," which we think is nice because no one sends handwritten notes anymore.
Now, she's encouraging others to do the same by sending cum-soaked accouterments of of their own (doesn't have to be semen, she says ... just something that looks like it).
Now, you're probably wondering: isn't it illegal to mail someone a lot of dried cum?
Well, you ... it is and it isn't.
"My understanding is that so long as the bodily fluid is not sent with the intent to injure or kill, and is sent is a very small amount in a 'leak proof container,' in a box clearly marked as containing fluid, then it's okay," Blackmore said. "At least, that's what the woman at the USPS office said when I contacted them."
But ... neither Blackmore or the USPS lady are lawyers, so ... send at your own risk. Millions of pairs of soiled panties get mailed to people through the bustling, globalized panty trade each year though, so we don't see how a semen sock would be terribly different.
Do, however, follow the golden rules of mailing dubious things to dubious people: don't put a return address on it, don't put anything that'll actually harm anyone in there, and drop it off at a postal box as opposed to the post office where security cameras are more likely to catch you being weird.
But, for those unwilling to take the risk, there is another way. Blackmore suggests faking semen with"food coloring, gooey lotions, and shampoos" ... basically anything that resembles it.
Hopefully it'll receive a proper burial.
Texas isn't the only state to propose a fetal burial rule though. South Carolina and Mississippi nearly passed similar bills; Ohio is looking at one; and Indiana and Louisiana have approved fetal burial laws of their own (although neither are hard law yet as the law in both states is on hold for pending litigation).
So, if you've got a few extra socks laying around like I did ... you know what to do with them.
Or ... you can take the much more mature approach of supporting pro-choice efforts in Texas by donating or volunteering, too but ... personal choices, personal stories, you know?