Shooting your load on a smartphone is the new doctors visit

Shooting your load on a smartphone is the new doctors visit

SexMarch 27, 2017 By Lindsey Kline

Analyzing your potential future with a partner can involve a number of conditions. First, you’ll want to make sure all your best friends give them the “not a psychopath” seal of approval. Then, you’ll need to be certain they can handle your violent and volatile drunk alter ego. Last but not least, if you’re a young lady looking to load up a soccer van, you’ll want to have him splooge on your smartphone.

A screen full of cream can now determine your capability to share a lifetime of beautiful babies. With this novel development in modern technology, we’re able to self-test our partners’ sperm concentration with 98 percent accuracy.

In the days of old, we’d have to visit a doctor’s office and fork up hundreds of dollars to have our sweetheart’s jizz analyzed. But with this state of the art device, we can test sperm potency for the measly price of under 50 dollars.

A team of Harvard researchers, led by lady scholar Hadi Shafiee, have created the app and phone attachment to evaluate sperm in a lover’s load. The tool consists of two components: a big attachable box and a little microscope slide.

If your partner can appropriately aim his schlong to shoot onto the small slide, the sample can then slip into a slot in the bigger box, and your camera lense can magnify to inspect the splooge. Instantly, you’ll have access to the total number of sperm, their concentration per milliliter, and the little guys’ speed and movement. Essentially, this answers the crucial question: can his sperm swim to the finish line?

To ensure that the device could be useful to even the most digitally-impaired partners, the researchers provided the apparatus to clueless couples with no special training or scientific background. Remarkably, every couple was able to operate the at-home test without complication.

Although the device is currently only made for Androids, an iPhone cum inspector is in the works. Soon enough, you can analyze your man’s pecker pudding for potency and assess if he’s fertile enough for a family.

Now that it only takes a smidge of his swimmers to assess him, keep your phone handy next time things get hot and heavy. If he loves you, he should be happy to cum on your phone.