IKEA discontinues beloved EXPEDIT shelf, chaos descends upon the internet and our hearts
If you own one of these miracles of modern furniture, you're now officially a collector of rare art. That's because ... sniff... sorry, we're totally not crying, it's just allergy season ... because IKEA is discontinuing them. Just like we'll be discontinuing our happiness from now on.
To make matters worse, IKEA will be replacing the EXPEDIT with a different wall unit, as if anything else could ever live up to the superior space organization and flawless design of the beloved predecessor. That's like having a step-dad who tries to be your dad but will never be your real dad even though your real dad lives in Nevada with his other family now. The new unit will be called KALLAX, which is a really lame name.
KALLAX will have rounded edges to be more child friendly. So basically it'll teach our children to be pussies. Thanks, IKEA.
The only thing that's keeping us together right now is the fact that we're far from the only ones devastated by this cruel and unusual punishment from IKEA. The internet has exploded in a cacaphony of complaints and fury, particularly among record collectors who say the EXPEDIT has been the perfect shelf for storing records, and literally everything else, for generations.
"Enter the house of any record collector in the world and the chances are you’ll stumble upon an EXPEDIT shelf," wrote Vinyl Factory, a British music company. Alternatively, enter the house of any human being born after 1970, and there it'll be: an honorable, sturdy shelving unit that's being snatched away before its time.
IKEA will sell the venerated and widely-respected shelves until they're all sold out, so that can only mean one thing: Bum Rush 2014. We've got to stock up on those things like it's Y2K.
And now, here to express their extreme disapproval, are various enraged members of the internet.
Sigh. Cry. Die. Goodbye, old friend.