Jam Out With My Clam Out wins Air Sex Championship... and a spot in our hearts
Normally the name air sex is reserved for our lonely Saturday nights but in New York, a organization is taking 'faking' to entirely new levels. Once parodied after the famous national air guitar championships, the air sex competition has evolved from a drop-in-the-bucket show into a 14-city tour of o-face aficionados acting out their best dry hump which ultimately culminates in a final world competition in December. (Our money's on the Germans)
The rules are simple: there must be an imaginary partner on stage and all orgasms must be simulated. No real partners or orgasms, got it? To ensure that all orgasms are created equal, a trio of judges sits idly by as the contestants begin moaning, groaning and sex-promoting in front of a packed house. The judges then critique the contestants based on three criteria: comedic appeal, sexual performance range and sexual energy.
This year, contestants from across the country attempted to make their parents proud but air-sexer Jam Out With My Clam Out did it again by pulling off the Meryl Streep of sex performances, when she acted out a scene in which her (imaginary) husband died and she used her sexual prowess to try and revive him through his penis sans her teeth. Oscar worthy indeed. Medically accurate, not so much.
The crowd was overwhelmed. Especially host comedian Chris Trew who couldn't withhold his excitement for jam Out With My Clam Out.
“I was not surprised Jam Out With My Clam Out won again, she knows how to win and she really wants to win. She’s easily one of the ten best [air sexers] in the country. She made a very big step tonight, she showed range,” host Chris Trew told the Huffington Post just after the show.
“She’s just very good, she had the crowd with her the entire time, she did something I’ve never seen before. When she took her teeth out, then her husband who died and she kept jerking him off, it was so good."
There's not much more in life you can accomplish than being named one of the top ten air-sexers in the country. What's the next stop for Jam Out With My Clam Out? Actual sex. Just as soon as she gets rid of her five cats and three lizards that have helped keep her single and available for training.