Kim Jong Un bans N. Koreans from sharing his name, because this town's only big enough for one Jong Un, mkay?

Kim Jong Un bans N. Koreans from sharing his name, because this town's only big enough for one Jong Un, mkay?

VicesDecember 29, 2014

In an effort to build a personality cult around himself, North Korean scary-person Kim Jong Un has banned the entire country from using his name. That's because when it comes to things like Chinese babies, penises and ruthless autocrats, the rule is generally that there can only be one.

This means that no new babies can be Jong Uns, and anyone who is currently named Jong Un must instantly un-name themselves that and chose another nombre, hombre.

We're partial to Casualtyofabrutaldictatorship, as in Kim Casualtyofabrutaldictatorship, just because of how it rolls off the tongue.

It's unclear how many people the ban affects, but Kim is a common North Korean last name, and both males and females can be named Jong Un. So ... that's a lot of people that have to change their name so that one guy can be the one guy.

Similar directives have prevented North Koreans from naming their children after Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong Un's father, and Kim Il Sung, the North Korean leader's grandfather ... which significantly shortens our baby name idea list.

Right, okay. So no more Jong Uns, ever. This is funny to us, because it's not like North Koreans are confused about which Jong Un is being discussed. No one is saying, "Jong Un banished my relatives to a labor camp and we never heard from them again," only to have their comrades ask, "Which Jong Un are you talking about? Kim Jong Un our Fearless Leader, or Jong Un the pharmacy tech?"

Also, that's a weird way to exert power. North Koreans are already under the constant, scrutinizing control of Kim's regime, so forcing people to change their names seems like overkill. But then again, so do nuclear bomb threats, Sony hacks, and interference with our ability to just sit back and watch a mediocre buddy comedy featuring everyone's 11th-favorite actor, Seth Rogen.

However, there's a silver lining to all of this: you can still be called Kim in North Korea, which Eminem should be really psyched about.