Looking for a Trump-inspired lego set for Christmas? This site has you covered
Though you may not agree with the Trump politics of your Uncle Larry who can inexplicably blame libtard socialists for everything from ISIS to his gout or your newly Republican sister who got dumped in college by that Puerto Rican guy and now wants to “Build The Wall,” the fact remains, they’re family, and you gotta love ‘em, even at Christmas … especially at Christmas.
Luckily, all your Holiday shopping for the Trump-supporter in your life that you hate to love can be done, quickly, conveniently and embarrassment free, online. According to their website: KeepAndBear.com has grown to become one of the largest purveyors of conservative resources online [featuring] hundreds of items including t-shirts, bumper stickers, flags, Bibles, DVDs, books, toys and patriotic novelty items. All items support and celebrate God and Country.” [read: mostly a LOT of Trump stuff]
The site is a virtual cornucopia of everything Trump, an explosion of demagogue-inspired products rivaling the very inventor of Christmas, Jesus H. Christ. You’re sure to find something for every kind of Trump supporter on your list - a list we suggest you first write out on ‘Trump Executive Order’ sticky notes - perfect for challenging the sticky text of 14th Amendment as well as making Christmas lists of sticky loved ones.
For instance, the Trump supporter who’s a rabid gun lover, you might consider a 24K bullet shaped pen, emblazoned with those sacred American words: “Donald J. Trump,” normally a buck twenty, it’s been reduced by 16% to an astonishingly conservative price of $99.95 (the $60 brass bullet pen is sold out). While this may be in the price range you spend on a spouse or parent, if you’ve budgeted far less, the site has you covered. “Come and Get It” flags emblazoned with a machine gun are a bargain at under $10 but ‘Coexist’ stickers, spelled out in firearms and ammunition are free (stocking stuffers?).
Maybe your loved one loves Trump because they believe he’s anointed by God to be president. Sounds legit, so why not gift a cross shaped USB drive - perfect for storing funny anti-Hillary memes and exchanging Wikileaks files. Best part is, no one has to save a single thing on a single server ever again!
For some reason, Donald Trump has had a tremendous effect on fratboys. Maybe they liked how Trump bragged about grabbing women by the pussy. Or maybe it was just that really cool red hat. Frat d-bags love hats. Regardless, if you find yourself shopping for the perfect gift for the college-aged ‘Ben Shapiro’ in your life, the site offers a LIMITED EDITION ‘Ride The Red Wave’ poster to decorate dorm rooms - with none other than Trump, himself; skillfully hanging loose on an epic swell atop a ‘CNN sucks’ board! It’s never come up, but without question Trump’s likely the ‘Best Surfer’ and ‘No one has ever surfed as good as he does.’ Throw in a bag of ‘#45 Blend’ coffee to get them through finals week and cross the name off your list.
No self-respecting Trump supporter is ever far from their Twitter account so they can stay up-to-the-minute on every last word tweeted from the Oval office, Air Force One, or a Trump golf course! Don’t hate ‘em, help celebrate ‘em! Scuffles with Antifa and pussy-hatted women can get prettttty ugly so a Donald Trump iPhone case is in order. The site doesn’t offer just one but two DESIGNS under $10! The cases fits snugly on any unsecured iPhone which might possibly used to speak to foreign heads-of-states or government officials about Top-Secret things. Convenient, huh?
But holidays are, most important, for the kids. Don’t despair, there’s plenty for the yungins’ (young guns?) on your holiday list. Start those Trump-tots off with their very own set of Build the Wall Building blocks. Mind you, according to the box, it’s only a ‘Starter Kit’ but it’s safe for kids 5 and up! This is a great way to nurture that anti-immigrant sentiment at an early, impressionable age. The price is around $35 and Mexico isn’t willing to pay for the set (yet). Because of this, the site has discounted the price to a far more affordable $29.95 (c’mon Mexico, that’s only 607 pesos, you lazy brown cheapskates!)
While the blocks may not make the kiddo bigly popular in the neighborhood, thankfully, the site also offers lego-like figures to keep your budding border builder company. A friend’s a friend, right? Hours and hours of entertainment are sure to be had with the prison-orange clad Hillary figure, or the not-orange-enough Trump figurine; complete with a wall-building hard hat and wall building plans in hand! The action figure’s hands are actual size Trump hands, and the open mouth is painted right on the face!
Before you tuck those lil-Trumpers in bed on Christmas Eve, though, remind them what the Holidays are really about by reading a chapter or two from “One Blood For Kids: What the Bible Really Says About Race” available on the site’s Children’s Books section. It promises a beautiful, holiday-inspired, kid-friendly theme which “Upends stereotypes by sweeping away the flawed science of Darwin’s worldview.” [The Donald Trump Presidential Coloring Book is sold out. Oddly, so are white and orange crayons].
The point of all this is that there’s something for everyone on the site. Nothing says Make Christmas Great Again like hundreds of all-inclusive alt+right, moderately right, Republican, Christian, and anti-liberal gifts and stocking stuffers!
So even if you’re a ‘Happy Holidays’ person in a ‘Merry Christmas’ world, remember, this is a time when we should all come together; look past our obvious political differences, unite, and celebrate the undocumented birth of a middle eastern Jewish baby to a woman who had divine invitro-fertilizatio; married a foreign man who wasn’t the father of her child who then took his family across a border to seek asylum; a kid who grew up to help poor people, hang around with hookers, offer free medical care, feed hungry people who were living off the system, and eventually got nailed to a tree because of it.
Season’s Greetings to all.