Man receives hate mail. The kicker? It's written on an 8-inch dildo.

Man receives hate mail. The kicker? It's written on an 8-inch dildo.

VicesMay 07, 2013

You mess with a bull and you're going to get the horns. Customer service reps while nice on the outside can have a vicious interior. Ralph Polnicky of Oklahoma learned that the crude way when he had a confrontation with a local Tractor Supply store employee following a botched ordered. The employee eventually told Ralph to get out of the store and never come back.

Weeks later, Ralph received a package at his door which he beleived to be his botched package but was instead an 8-inch dildo with the phrases "Ralph is a dick" and "never come back" inscribed in black sharpie on the side of the sex toy. ( Note: "Ralph is a dick" written on a dick is pretty funny). 

"My wife was shocked," he admitted to the Huffington Post. "She wondered, 'What's going on?' Worse, she feared what was going to happen next."

And rightfully so. First a dildo, then what? Beads? Whips? The sex toy possibilities are endless and extremely invigorating. It isn't certain whether the employee from Tractor Supply Store sent the gift, but Ralph is on a mission to find the culprit who saved his sex life. 

"Whoever sent it has a very unusual writing style, writing their "O's" as diamonds," he said. 

Great CSI work Ralph. How about the veins? Did you see anything that might indicate kinky preferences?

As for fingerprints, "It had touched too many hands," he admitted.

Unable to crack the case himself, Ralph has taken to the American way and turned to the legal system seeking emotional damages from the 1,200 store national chain of Tractor Supply stores. Dildo hate will not be tolerated in this country. 

But there is something positive to take away from this story: America's workers are being more proactive. Whoever said that generation entitlement's work ethic lacked and the country was doomed never met the guy who purchased, inscribed, boxed and mailed this dildo. Now that's work ethic.