A man's worst nightmare: Cuddle Mattress, the mattress that makes cuddling easier

A man's worst nightmare: Cuddle Mattress, the mattress that makes cuddling easier

CultureAugust 28, 2013

Mehdi Mojtabavi just ruined our lives. He's the inventor of Cuddle Mattress, the mattress that makes cuddling easier. Forget the days of rolling over after sex in a feverish retreat to the cool side of the bed. Thanks to this diabolical torture device, you have to stay right where you are, entangled in the appendages of whoever's in your bed that night. Fuck. Here he is, so you can put a face to the endless suffering you'll go through if you get one of these.

The beast itself has 'slats,' which are basically little openings to hell that you can slide your arm in as it goes under your bed-partner's head. The point of the satanic slats is so your arm never falls asleep as it's being lounged upon by someone who was only moderately satisfied with your sexual performance just moments ago. But it does have some slats that don't make you want to throw up: theres one at the foot of the bed that stomach-sleepers can put their feet in. No more crunching your feet in half. Each slat has a firm side and a soft side that you can flip over depending on your preference, and it comes with a set of fitted sheets. How nice.

Take a look for yourself...Not for viewers with a weak stomach.

But, you can sleep tight tonight...on your own side of the bed. Know why? The damn thing hasn't even got into production yet. Someone up there must be watching out for us.