A Master/slave couple takes us deep inside their BDSM relationship

A Master/slave couple takes us deep inside their BDSM relationship

SexDecember 06, 2018

One of the most compelling sexual relationships is the Master/slave relationship in BDSM, wherein one person consensually controls the other on a sexual and psychological level to a point that would make even the most seasoned Tinder King blush. So we talked to Master/slave pair Mason and Paula* about what it’s like to be the one in control, what it’s like to give it up and how their dominant and submissive sides play out in the bedroom — sorry, dungeon. We’ll use M/s as an abbreviation for Master and slave.

*Not their real names, duh.

Master

How did you find out you were into domination?

It started at 19. I went through a training and development program in BDSM in Germany. I discovered it basically sets me free in ways that can only be felt through experience.

What do you think drives your need for sexual domination?

Sexual domination is only a small part of domination. There are many variations. Kink is an intimate experience: an exchange of power between people that can be physical, erotic, sexual, psychological, spiritual or some combination. People who practice kink explore the territory between pleasure and pain, eroticize the exchange of power, experience intense physical sensations and psychological scenarios, and test and push their limits.

Is being a Master inherently sexual for you, or is it more about power dynamics?

Both. Sexual dominance is not the heart of a M/s relationship. In this relationship, the slave has given their Master complete authority over him/herself. In M/s, the object is that the slave gets to the point that micromanagement gives way to macro-management. As the slave learns Master’s habits, the slave becomes able to anticipate and move to meet Master’s needs. The couple is increasingly blended into one being. Often, the M/s dynamic involves spiritual growth that is not common to relationships involving other power dynamics.

Where do your slaves live? In what condition are they kept?

UK, U.S., Canada, Norway, Czech, Russia and Germany. They are individuals having successful professional careers. As people who choose to live in consensual Master/slave relationships, we defy some of the beliefs of society, like the belief that independence is the key to happiness and that the desire to control another person is the heart of abuse. It takes tremendous commitment to follow a path that at best is likely to be misunderstood by those around you. Europe is more free in this perspective than the U.S. My slaves see me as a Master who has enough life experience, knowledge and wisdom to serve as their mentor and teacher so they are obedient and respectful. You also have to be responsible for the slave’s well-being and the well-being of the relationship.

Is emotion part of the Master/slave relationship for you?

How can you go into BDSM keeping emotions aside? Those who do will never truly understand the gift that is offered when total submission, obedience and service is given.

What’s the hardest part about being dominant?

Ensuring the slave’s physical, social, emotional, spiritual and financial well-being.

It seems like with this sort of arrangement, a lot of talk and honesty is necessary to set boundaries. Does that ever take the fun out of it?

No, it builds up the trust level with the person and make the M/s interaction even more adventurous.

What would you say to someone that saw these kinds of relationships as abusive?

Violence and abuse are horrific and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. Some BDSM activities (bondage, slapping, verbal degradation), if they are taken out of their erotic context, may resemble violent acts, but they are not at all; they are consensual activities between adults who derive pleasure from them and who have the power to stop the activities at any time. Consent is key.

What’s the most important aspect of a Master/slave relationship?

Love, trust, servitude, obedience.

 

Slave

How did you become a slave?

I met my Master four years ago in New York during my visit. We interacted socially and our interactions grew professionally. My Master has a gift of identifying personalities. He could sense I was missing something in my life; someone who can command me. Later on, he introduced me into a world of submission and BDSM culture. Initially I was a bit afraid, but four years later, I thank the heavens for the day I met him.

How has it changed you?

It takes my erotic paradigm to a whole new level. I used to be an introvert and loner. And now I’ve got many friends who really care for me and satisfy my every desire. It’s also helped me in my professional and personal growth tremendously. Now I am much more secure, independent and confident knowing that I have security provided by my Master who will stand by me through any hardship. And I get confidence knowing that I am an elite part of a likeminded group where all my desires are fulfilled without social stigma or being judged.

What’s your favorite thing your Master has done to you or had you do?

My Master introduced me to the FF (female-on-female) world. It brought out a part of me that I didn’t know existed. I have now experienced how sensual a female touch can be and now I do my best to obey and keep him happy so I can get it again.

What does an average day look like for you?

Every morning, I drop my Master a text or image describing my activity for the day. After work, I am not allowed to contact him until bedtime. So my next interaction is asking him about his day as well as describing mine. Every Saturday I have a FF session with my friends. I send him one image each day of my past week’s escapades. I’m not physically with him most of the time.

What constitutes “too much” for you?

My Master is teaching me new things almost every other day. So far nothing has been too much. That is the beauty of it. You want to fulfill his wishes to complete yourself.

Do you ever have vanilla, straight-forward sex? Or miss it?

I do not have vanilla sex. Being a single mother, I have no willingness to jeopardize my daughter’s well-being by introducing a new man she has to adjust to in her life. My Master completes me in that regard as well. It has helped me feel valued and respected beyond the regular “dating” pressures.

What are some misconceptions about Master/slave relationships you’d like to clear up?

Being a slave is not about being weak. Do not judge the term “slave” as servitude and inferiority.

What’s the hardest part about being submissive?

To understand that submitting to someone doesn’t mean changing oneself. It took some time to understand it’s not the pain or humiliation that I love. It’s the dominance exerted over me so beautifully that all my inhibitions and fears disappear. All the past pain, and skeletons in my closet and the burden — it’s not just mine. It’s my Master’s as well. Through him, I can relieve it and heal myself.

What’s the most important part of a Master/slave relationship?

Trust and knowing that you are not living inside an endless loop of social stigma anymore, but are free to be who you want to be.

[Originally published on July 7, 2014]